A letter from Jan 03, 2023

Dear FutureMe, some stats before we start, I am 18 years old right now and am currently studying dentistry and am in my first year. I am still friends with the same people from year 9 as well as the friends I made in years 12 and 13, obvs I have made new friends over the past few months like my flatmates - well only 2 of them but also with a bunch of diff groups who would never mix. Right now it's the Xmas holidays and was just in Milan but was having a tough time with my foster family as well as finding a place to stay and somewhere to call home. I guess that it's hard especially when people have an easy life handed to them but yet they still struggle. you were dealt a bad hand and are still expected to carry on like normal as if nothing happened. I am sometimes jealous when I see people hang out with their biological family and you see them have fun and I know that you won't get to experience that ever again. I always feel a bit guilty because I know that I could make up with them and be treated like a princess but I hate them so much and can never forget all the trauma they have caused me. At the same time, I can't help but miss them as they were my family no matter what. it has been over 2 years since you first went into care and I know it is still hard and it will always continue to be hard but that is life and you have to move forward with it. I hope you find love and a good husband who treats you well and understands your family situation and still loves you for it and I hope that you end up reconnecting with your religion, I know it's hard right now because you have religious trauma from your mother buts that's ok. also, don't you ever ******* give up, u made it through GCSEs and A-levels while doing a court case and police interviews just so you could get into dental school. Now keep it and get your degree and then you can be free. My love, I wish you all the best in the future and I honestly do hope you one day can look back at yourself and be truly proud of who you are and what you have achieved. Maybe one day you will have little versions of you running around causing chaos like you used to and be able to heal yourself by providing them with all the love you didn't receive as a child. Keep your head up and good luck.