A letter from Jan 02, 2023

Dear FutureMe, Your life is very different from when you wrote the first letter to yourself in 2020. 2022 was your best year. Your biggest year. Your hardest year. You did so much good for yourself. You left douro, you went to the psych ward, you met Felix, you started living with monti, then Felix moved in, you started doing dbt group therapy, you started your crochet business, you started doing paid poetry gigs, you got a few new diagnoses to explain your pain (not all of it yet), you made it to 20 years old, you reached nearly 8 months clean from self harm, you crocheted an entire massive mood blanket, you learned how to cut toxic people out of your life and (partially) how to stand up for yourself. Right now, as this is being written, you’re feeling very lost. Very hopeless. You’re feeling like you’ve just lost all the hard work you did in 2022. But I promise, it’s not lost work, and you will be okay. I know I can’t prove that to you right now but you have to trust me. Every time you thought something was too hard, or that you couldn’t do it anymore, or that you had no more fight left, you did do it. You made it every single time. You can do it again. I hope you’re doing better. I hope you have more control and find some clarity and feel a purpose to push through all the pain and all the appointments and all the tests and trialling and all the no answers. I hope you finally get your answer. I wish I could say right now that I love you but I don’t want to lie. I don’t. But I respect you. And I’m proud of you. I will love you, soon, I know I will. All I need is a bit of time. Im sorry. Thankyou.