A letter from Dec 18, 2022

Dear FutureMe, I’m a heady cocktail of curious and excited to receive this email, which seems rather bizarre because it’s the writing of the email I seem eager for. I’m not going to ask about alluring expectations I might once have had, I’m going to hope for something greater. A sense of stability. Quite the ask I know! But it’s something I hope you get. You’re not 100% stable right now, between a case of strep throat and an awkward curve from a girl. You’re definitely feeling off, not shattered, just off. I’m a little too old to be hopeful about things, so I’m just counting on you to be you. That might mean you die, that might mean you’re miserable at home. I have glimmer of hope you’ve taken a risk, or that somehow cracks in the ice of old traditions have now formed. But ***** and misery are familiar friends and I did say something about not being hopeful. If you’re miserable, you’ll survive. If you have nothing, you’ll survive. If you die, don’t worry you’ll still survive. ***** won’t be so kind to save you from the misery. Paths of the night are long and treacherous. One thing I hope you’re better at now is understanding yourself. Probably not. The more I write this email, the more I realise is that’s all I can really offer you. Hope. And those little expectations. Like thorns penetrating skin. In fact, maybe the only valuable thing I can offer you now is only thing I can offer anyone. My experiences of my current moment, and the stories I’ve already collected. It just feels gratuitous to list them all out here. Drunk guy at bus stop Dance studio Roman candles in the park The first time you broke your arm The time you almost got mugged I can’t remember many others right now. But I’m glad I wrote these down, who knows which of these I’d remember in 3 years. I know Christmas is usually a rough time of year, so get through this any and every way you can. Please keep meditating removing the act of overthinking and comparisons from your mind will help you lead a happier life. Truthfully, you already but it’s the everyday that makes that hard. My only expectation is that you’ve tried to improve yourself in some way. Meaningful or not. You’re putting one foot in front of the other. I hope Krishy is growing up wonderfully. She might be all the niceness left in the world. But we’ll have to see how much she takes after her mother