A letter from Dec 06, 2022

Hey, It's me... AGAIN ! Yeah sorry about that. At this point I've probably sent to myself more emails than i've sent to any other person. I'm afraid I'd reach the letter limit of this wonderful website and I would still be too poor to upgrade. Anyways why I chose to write today even when there's nothing special happening is the world cup. Yes you read that right. No I haven't been kidnapped and brainwashed by sports loving aliens. What actually happened -now that I have extra free time and have been following this world cup closely which is pretty entertaining- is that I realized how my life was different 4 years ago in the last cup and how I was enjoying life with friends and I remember clearly watching the final match in some random coffee on our roadtrip back home, they were different times and I started thinking what would life be in the next one, another 4 years from now ? Would life be better or worse ? That is assuming I live until then. Because now I'm stuck, I'm wasting away months of my life waiting on feedbacks from Germany that may or may not come, that may or may not be positive... Yet I'm waiting and waiting and nothing ever happens. I feel restless, helpless and every other negative emotion threatens to engulf me and drown me, yet once again I'm amazed on how patient I'm being. I break down and cry a lot of times, I have my moments of weakness and depression however I'm handling this a lot better than I would have thought. I'm amazed of how much faith i'm puting in Allah, that God would give me the right things on the right times. It's really moments like this when worse case scenarios happen that we as humanbeings discover our strenght , that we can withstand a lot more than we expected we would but then again I'm truly tired of my life being tired, I don't want to withstand anymore, I'd like very much to move forward... Currently, I'm anxious about a lot of things. My B2 certificate being "expired" by the time i'm able to apply for Visa, the Visa being rejected because of what happened in the airport on 2018, the Bescheid never coming or coming too late and missing yet another study course... My imagination is running wild with scary thoughts but I'm keeping a cool facade not to worry my mom. This is already longer than what I intended so I'll just add that Morocco is playing a decisive match in 15mins and I really want them to win because this world cup, the one where they qualified to the round of 16 for the first time since 1986, they showed us what is it like to dream and then work to achieve your dreams, they played really well and still are underestimated which is why I'd like them to surprise the world. I want the "weak" to be also acknowledged and respected in our fierce society today. So dear Future me, how is life at your end ? Are we happy ? Where are we ? Did we achieve our dreams ? Are they worth it ? Or did something happen along the way and changed everything ? Is Souky's dad okay now ? He's very sick at the moment and I hope he got better soon inchallah. She's going through the worst weeks of her life and my heart is breaking for her. How's everyone in the family doing ? Give me updates and maybe write once again in another 4 years. Lah yfrehna