A letter from Dec 03, 2022

Dear FutureMe, Hey I am sorry. I want everything to stop. I am too cowardly to **** myself so I'll try something else. I am really sorry that couldn't take care of me. Tbh I never learned how to and I tried and failed all the time. There's not one person who hasn't abandoned me including myself. I wanna go I wanna feel safe where I live I just want to stop feeling everything I want all nightmares and hallucinations to stop I have begged more times than I can count now. I don't know what I was expecting from life I'll just say what I was not expecting from it Was not expecting my mom to take care of me when she hardly takes care of herself. Was not expecting my father to rape me again and again and even when my leg was broken I couldn't walk for 2 months but these things didn't stop. I cried shouted but eventually I became numb towards everything. Was not expecting anything from anyone I just want to leave and live in peace. ******* myself is not a cure yes but To keep living like this does not make any sense to me. I want to end this like I don't want anything Anything at all I just want to feel okay and I can't. I am sorry to myself I have to go I can't watch myself in this much pain again and again In morning in noon in evening at night it's there all the time It's like I have skin made of pain I want to be free of this. I'll be free of this.