A letter from Nov 19, 2022

Dear FutureMe, I just received a letter from our 2018 self. I'd forgotten I'd written it, and wow, it is very insightful. That guy mentions that he's sad and feeling very "plain": he's lost all purpose in the world. And you know what? I don't remember what he was going through! Doesnt that say something about the impermanence of everything? We were battling demons at the time, thinking that we were going to drown under, but it passed and I don't even remember what I was fighting at the time. It's a reminder, I think, that everything passes. the good, and the bad. So why won't we live in the moment, when about two years from now none of this **** will even matter? Anyway, what's up? I'm currently in bed, writing this out. I let myself fall in love with a nice girl(you remember Selasi?) but she doesn't love me back, so I'm a bit sad haha. I don't know why I let myself even fall in love. The feeling of heartache I'm experiencing is...not good. But I think I've learned things from the event. I've learnt what I want in a relationship and I've learned not to get too attached to the girls, especially the ones we might fall in love with, because I think I have this problem called hyperfixation or emotional something something, and it makes us very susceptible to falling in love easily and quickly, as well as breaking our hearts excruciatingly. So lesson learnt. I've meditated, and Im taking care of myself. In a bit, I'll forget all about it. We learn as we make mistakes, don't we? I just hope I never repeat this. How am I feeling? Hm, kind of...bleh. I'm surprised I haven't ****** myself yet, because the waves of anxiety and darkness wash over me again and again. I've started studying Shakespeare(currently reading The Most Lamentable Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet-I didn't expect it to be this good). Im studying his poetry too. I hope it serves you in the future? I think Im generally happier than I was a few years ago. Maybe than I've ever been. The meditation helps, and Im calmer and more peaceful. But how are you? Have you graduated? Oh, I really hope you have, but if you haven't, that's fine too. Are you even alive? Haven't you drowned yourself? What are you waiting for? Haha. Maybe you think life will get better. I hope so too. At this moment Im planning on collecting my depressing poems and putting them in one collection, not to publish, just for the sake of it. Have you finished that? Do you still write? Have you fallen in love again? Remember that we have a poor glass heart, so be careful who you get attached to. Well, well, well. What's more to say? I hope you're finding some peace. Ahh, I hope so. I just watched Stanley Kubrick's Paths of Glory, and it's amazing. That ending was so beautiful. The German singer seems to represent the soldiers themselves. She doesn't want to be there, she's scared, she's alone, she wants to go home, but they ask her to straighten her back and sing, and she sings, she sings beautifully because that's all she can do. And the soldiers sing along with her, and they cry. Because both the girl and the soldiers are butterflies trapped in a cage. Do you feel like we're trapped in a cage? I hope you're fine. Please find a way to love yourself if you wont **** yourself. And live in the moment. Because whatever is happening to me right now, I'm sure you've forgotten. Im sure you don't care. That's how it is. You've passed through this stage, and it's in the past. It's unchangeable once performed, so let it go. And it's silly to overthink of the future, because I don't know where you are or what you're doing. You see? This is something we're gradually learning. With all the love I can send you through time, You, 2022. Oh, and my current favorite song is Where's the Catch, by James Blake and Andre 3000. Listen to it now!