A letter from Nov 15, 2022

Dear Arely, Hi there... are you still there? Maybe you are or maybe you're not, whichever and whoever it is that is reading this, I hope you're doing absolutely great. This has not been my greatest year, but that's okay. I have made peace with the reality I'm currently living on and although sometimes it gets really dark and really freaking scary I'm still here typing this out for you to read in the future. God, I wish I could say I'm super proud of the person I am today but in all honesty I am not... in a strange way because if I look into my life as of now I'm doing pretty great; I have friends (I think), I have a decent job, and I finally moved out which years ago seemed impossible to achieve. Sadly, I made the mistake of believing that moving out was going to fix my entire existence, but I was surprised to find out that was not going to be the case when it actually happened, so to whoever is reading this letter, no! moving out will not fix your life. I feel guilty for feeling this way, but God, I cannot help but to think life's getting harder and heavier by the day. I feel guilty for wanting to call it a life because life eventually will get better, right? I hate to think that this is it, but if it isn't then what is? So many times I have asked the universe or "god" if I truly deserved this life and all of the rocks that are being thrown at me literally every-single-day? Like, what will I get from them? Will the reward be as big as what it feels like a punishment? People don't understand, nor will they ever understand how miserable I am. Life is too heavy for me to want to keep pushing forward, then what's my secret? Well, to your surprise I feel like I have let people live their lives through me. Let me explain; Being on Netflix? Never wanted that Doing theater? Never wanted that Being a "published author" at such a young age? Never wanted that Young Arely never wanted any of those things but her words always got lost in translation, and because nobody ever taught her to speak up and stand for herself... she never corrected anybody. Young Arely wanted to eat the whole world in a single bite, she had big goals and she lived by her slogan "inspire others as others inspire you". God, she used to spend hours learning about film-making, she used to write 10-page stories with no hesitation, she used to believe she was going to win two Oscars, she used to believe she was going to open an Art school back in Morelia. At some point she even thought she was going to become a DJ. A DJ! Like, let that sink in. Young Arely was sassy and fearless, and even though she was scared she always assumed she was unstoppable. Then reality happened. The Arely typing this letter wants you to know that if she knew there were no consequences for those who quit, she would quitin a heart beat, get it? Because my heart always skips a beat. Come on! I had to do it. Life isn't great but if I don't show that little 12-year-old dude that if I got this far with all of those struggles that come up as I went, then who will? I am done letting strangers using me as their puppet, I don't know if 24-year-old Arely will be reading this but hun, we both know that at this point you're just still alive for Diego. We just want to make sure at least one of us is there even if nobody else is. We are just still here to make sure he knows he is loved and that somebody is and will always be proud of him... I want to be the bigger person that I did not have.