A letter from Nov 06, 2022

November 6th, 2022, Sunday 11:25p.m., before the school day I am lying in the bed in the darkness of my room, and the background noise fills the silence other then my own raspy breathing. Writing from my 2015 air 1 iPad, with a screen that is no longer usable for daily use other then reading words. Writing this after reading for 2 hours straight, and still feeling a little… lost? I dunno if it’s because I wrote to myself in 20 years, or perhaps the idea of being grown and disappointed when the future me received those letters. Birthday, 2 days and 30 minutes away, people knowledgeable about this information, 3. Mom, dad, and our brother. Oh! I know perhaps it’s birthday sadness, it tends to be common these days so I wish to not to cope with it. But this iPad is rather giving me a lot of problems, quite peculiar I must say. But I must make do. My eyes are hurting, but I do not want to fall asleep at all. Why am I writing this letter among many? Well I simply wish to record this… whatever it is, as it has become a daily occurrence for the past year, sincerely hoping it hasn’t evolved into an addiction for you. This type of narrative is rather weird, ominous, I know you, I have a feeling of what course of actions you will take, but I don’t know you at all either, you are me but could be completely an unfamiliar identity. Why do I stay up, if you wish to compare if anything has changed at all, I like the night time, it’s the most quiet and peaceful, darkness is the absence of light, but for me it’s the presence of a void so daring yet peaceful. It makes me want to look outside the window for hours, but I don’t, because you know what’s even more intriguing? The wonders of reading in this beautiful darkness, it lets me delude myself from reality, it’s very enchanting, although not very promising, i have come to a point of procrastination that I do it to sleep, I’ll sleep on Saturday, or Sunday, or next week. Maybe it’s the fact that I took 7 college classes catching up to me, what’s the term, ah, burned out? Yea that, I have a test tomorrow, and I didn’t study, I have a project due and I have no mind to finish it, I didn’t do the lab, but must I? I am so tired, so I give myself some time, here , right now. I know it’s not the solution, I should sleep and just focus on school, I would, if I had better school life perhaps, maybe more likable I was. Send it to you in college? Maybe that’s a bad idea, maybe you have gotten worse, maybe you will laugh at this, so I must concede on your situation. You are a stranger to me, you know me well, but I don’t know at all, and that makes me rather apathetic towards you. I am contemplating telling you to unalive yourself but this is supposed to be a SERIOUS letter, so I suggest against it, unless…, anyways, I think I will go to sleep now, I know longer have energy to overthink while lying on the bed or ponder over how useless life is, so perhaps this, is not as bad as I think it is, but you be the judge of that. 11;48p.m.