A letter from Nov 05, 2022

Dear FutureMe, You are probably so old. Or not that old. Lmao. But currently I am sitting in the living room of my sorority reading how I ****** up with izzy and it makes me sad. Because I lied. But anyways, I am in my Joe phase tbh but everyone feels like an NPC. Sometimes I feel like I’m an npc. I just wish that I was done with college. I’m already so tired? How bad will it get? Think of the lowest low you have- now look at you now! Graduated college. In what? Are we going to law school? Is the poli sci major and mass communication thing working out? How is dad and mom? How have you worked on your relationship with dad. To be honest I’m worried about dad. I’m also worried about me too. Everything is a lot and I don’t need it to be. I hope that things are better. Maybe mom is at your college graduation. Maybe you have found someone who genuinely cares about you. Maybe you’ve found a friend group that didn’t break up in the first two months of college. My body count is at 4 right now…. What about you? It hurts. Every experience has hurt. I don’t want this anymore. College is so hard. I wonder if you are actually graduating or you are gonna look back at this and laugh because we didn’t finish school. But I really really want to finish school. I do more than anything but it is so so so hard. Dude my classes aren’t even that bad but the mental aspect has been horrendous. I hate everything and I feel like I’m stuck in a loop. Has alilya graduated high school? How is Cora? My babies are so important to me. Please never ever forget that. I’m so in love with my sisters and my step mom Sarah. How is Sarah? Sarah deserves the world. Make sure she is getting the world. Because she deserves nothing less than the world. I feel like I’m writing like a suicide note. I hope you stop creating drama. Like with izzy and John right now. That was ******* stupid. I wish that I could think a little ******* better and it makes me pissed. ****. I can’t **** up izzy and I’d relationship. What am I doing. I need guidance of some sort. Tell me speak it into existence out loud what my path is so maybe past you can hear it. Say how strong and accomplished you are please. That’s all I need. Say out loud that you love yourself and will continue to, that you are a real human being with real thoughts and aspirations and feelings. You are so worthy of everything and I need to hear it because I’m starting to not believe it anymore. I wish I could write more but I feel like it’s all just gonna be sad. I am really excited about starting my job, hopefully getting more into government (unless we became indecisive and picked something else). I wonder what it could be. I’m so excited to graduate. **** the dog just pissed on the floor lmao. I was being sad but now I can’t, because in the house Ernie just peed on the floor! But anyways, I could use some love, your past self could. Please send it to me. Say it out loud. Just anything, I feel so worried about how things are going and could use the clarity of the energy from you. So give it to me, because I am listening<3 I love you, I am so unbelievably proud of you, and I know you are going to keep going on and I can’t wait to see what you do. Congratulations, I am so proud of you. More than anyone else. Now buckle up and go start life, and of course, through the past you a bone;) because she deals with a lot:)