A letter from Nov 04, 2022

whats good future me if you're still alive and sober you've done well and im proud of you if not, sucks to suck bozo hopefully you're happier than i am now, im writing this from auntie's rental next to nan's old house, im about to leave the uk after my big eu trip, it was fun being entirely autonomous, one of the first times in a while that i've actually felt ok within myself, wouldn't it be nice if we could just keep doing that forever hopefully nobody else has croaked it and you've been able to get back to the uk soon and spend time with the family remember back to when you were bouncing about rehab and the psych wards? good times hey, my mental health and stability is still at the forefront of my mind, it has to be if i want to keep my head on my shoulders, i really dont know if and how im going to make it much further i hope we've found some direction in our/my(??) life, right now i feel completely lost and scared for a future in which i havent found anything i enjoy, if you've found something productive that you can enjoy dedicating your time to, then i think you're in an amazing place, because right now i cant even fathom putting myself into a profession (that im capable of getting into) that id enjoy if you havent, youve probably bit the bullet, topped yourself and od'd by now, as has always been the plan it's grim, but right now looking into the future things are looking really bleak, at least to me everyone tells me how much potential i have, i hope you've been able to search, find and harness even a little bit of it, if it's there at all times are tough for me at the moment, people say i've come a long way from the past couple of years but we both know nothing has really changed, i still have very little motivation, im always just a hair away from relapsing and giving up i really hope we're in a better place than i am now, i know i said we'll stay alive and keep trying until im 20, so its good ive made this this far, and then till im 30, but you should be proud if you've even made it to receive this message remember that family comes first, let your ego go, and that money and status don't matter if you can find and hold onto a sliver of happiness if you're still alive and kicking send another message to yourself in another 3 years, i'm sure itll be interesting looking back hope youre doin well future me, until next time