A letter from Oct 29, 2022

Dear Future Me, I know you’re ultimately the same person as me, made of the same flesh and the same mind, yet three years from now I’m pretty sure you’ve changed what I think makes me, Sarah. I hope, wherever you are and whoever you’re with, you’re content with your life right now. I won’t ask you to be happy, I know how hard and useless it is to have happiness as your goal. But I want you to find this quiet and satisfying life you’ve always longed for, ever since you’ve had a taste of the perfect serenity that night in the Sahara desert, august 2017, stargazing. Hey, you’re only 26! Stop thinking you’re old, because I know that’s what you’re thinking right now. I’m 23, young and thriving and so are you! Do you still watch korean dramas? Are you still a big fan of Cillian Murphy? Did you ever get over your obsession of Yang Sejong? I hope you get to watch all the stuff you like and read all the books you want to read. Right now, we can’t, but you better make the best of the time you have. Are you married by now? We’re set to marry next year an amazing man, if God’s willing. You call him your little Bee 🐝. He is caring, smart, knows how to hold deep conversations, stubborn, very tall and hot, and you guys share the same values. Deep down, you’re extremely similar. But the part where you’re different might be causing you some miscommunication and issues, hehe. Is he treating you well? Are you guys in love? Do you plan on having kids sooner or later? I hope you guys find comfort in each other. Life isn’t easy, but it’s easier when you’re a team. Right now, you’re working towards getting this dreaded competitive exam you’ve been aiming at since freshman year. Did you get it? It’s been three years so by now you’re probably either working to get your PhD, or you’ve given up on academics. You know, I actually don’t care about either options. What I really hope is that you’re not bored all day, if you’ve decided to give up this career path. I hope you’ve followed that dream of being an audiobook narrator, or a proofreader for a big publisher. If not, I hope you at least are learning a new language, reading tons of books a year, finding the time to fill your mind with knowledge. I know how pressured you felt in being the best at school because you were always a straight A student who could not disappoint. But you never hated studying. So now that the pressure is gone, please study without having to worry about expectations. I hope your family is doing well. Please tell me you were able to fly over to visit grandma and all your aunts. Please tell me no one passed away during those three years. I hope your sisters’ kids are growing beautifully, knowing they are loved and appreciated. I hope your parents are not aging too fast. You better be seeing them often. I hope you’re still friend with your favorite four friends, and two of your friends from the internet whom hopefully you’ve met. On top of all of that, I truly hope, from the bottom of my heart, that you’re keeping your relationship with God steady. That you don’t take it for granted. That you strive to be the best believer you can possibly be. Please don’t disappoint us. Nothing else truly matters but this. Lastly, I hope you love every version of yourself that exists. I love the me of now, and I love the you of the future. I’ve had a hard time loving my past selves, but they’ve all built the person I am now. So don’t discard me, put me into a little box in the corner of your inner mind. Come say hi. We’ll have a warm cup of tea (ok, milk, because I guess we still hate tea) and talk about the past and how silly we were. How innocent we were. Take good care of yourself. I’ll always cheer for your peace.