A letter from Sep 14, 2022

Dear Future Keshav, Don't fall apart read this frm ur past Hey, listen. I know how you feel. I read your comment on other answers, about one of your friends giving up the battle against herself. First of all, understand that only you can help yourself most effectively and quickly than anybody else. I've been in a similar situation, I fought hard, very hard. I still fight it sometimes. You know, our mind is a vicious thing. It makes us believe things which are not true, takes us to places we never knew existed within us. You can't control your mind, it is what you think your heart thinks but most importantly it's YOU. Don't consider your mind as a different entity which you have to tame or control. It's just you. You are your brain, who controls everything. Right now, your thoughts are a little astray and it's you who can bring it all together. How? Trust. You have to trust yourself. Tell me do you want to feel the way you do? NO, right. You know, sometimes it happens that we unconsciously start liking the state we are in and never make an effort to get out of it. We think we are making effort but in reality we are not. I can't say much about you, but that was/is the case with me. I was mentally stuck in an endless loop, where I wanted to get out but I started liking loathing myself unconsciously. I pitied myself, started using my unfit mental state as an excuse to not give my best. It was awful. I wanted to get out but I was too involved in suffering myself. It was impossible to try to explain it to somebody. Because, I didn't really know how exactly I feel, what I feel and why I feel so. I thought nobody would understand. I did try to tell people about it sometimes, but they never really understood. That was even worse, so I stopped telling. Everybody used to tell me what to do without understanding that I have no will power to do it. I used to do online research about depression a lot which made it even worse. So, if you are doing that, then STOP. The more you think about it the more you'll feel it. The person writing online has a different story then yours, he feels differently. And you don't have to feel how they felt. You have to fight yourself, we all do it all the time. This is just one big battle, and you'll win it. I know it's hard, but stop thinking about your friend. She could not fight her battle against herself, but if you know what she did was wrong, then she did a great thing for you. She eliminated one incorrect option for you. Taking you one step towards winning this battle. Stand in front of a mirror and ask yourself what is it that you dislike about yourself? If it's something genetic then don't even bother about it, for the rest if you want you can change it the way you like. You're at a turning point in your life, my friend. You might not see it now, everything might seem dark and messy but remember you cannot connect the dots looking forward, dots are always connected looking backwards. We keep evolving with time, and right now you'll evolve like anything. You know, most of the people don't even admit that they need to improve because they think they are perfect and they end up being obnoxious and arrogant. You'll be humble, as you know you are not perfect. Nobody's is perfect, since nobody is imperfect. You can just be a better version of yourself than you were yesterday. You are the one who has to sent benchmarks for yourself. Other's are not your benchmarks. And you already took your first big step. Congrats for that :) You realize you have to be better than you are now. Crying and hating yourself is not helping, or is it? Apart from troubling you and your loved ones. Then, look at yourself in the eye in that mirror and dust yourself up and tell yourself that you won't sit and cry on nothing. You'll do something about it. Force that smile on your face, and for everybody you see on your way. At first it will seem like an exercise but in no time you'll start doing it naturally. And trust me it will make you feel better. Brain is being decisive to you, now you start being decisive to it. Tell yourself you are good, even if you don't feel it. You are the master of yourself, you feel how you want to feel. It's lot more difficult, but atleast worth the effort and a lot better than crying and hating yourself. Engage yourself (brain) in conversation with yourself. Talk to it, ask yourself why do you feel the way you do? What is it? What do you want? Once you are fruitfully busy all the negative thoughts will go away. If you'll think negative, everything negative will happen to you. If you'll think positive, everything around will be positive. :) Hope this long answer was a tiny bit helpful.