A letter from Sep 11, 2022

Dear FutureMe, Dear 30 year old self. It genuinely feels so scary writing that, as it’s the big 30 and only 4 years away. But I already also know that I still feel the same as I did 4 years ago and time felt like it went so quick, didn’t it? It’s been a funny old year being 25. I moved out with K at the start of the year, renting a house together. It’s been a good year with him and we’ve had a lot of fun. Are we still together? However in my head it’s been a bit up and down, mostly about trying to find myself and what my interests are and trying to love myself. I think living with K and seeing how passionate he is about music and djing etc made me question what I’m into. I wrote a diary entry earlier in the year saying what am I genuinely interested in? Is there anything I actually want to live for and enjoy doing? It’s been a difficult year coming to terms with the fact I still don’t know who I am. I think I know what I enjoy and what my interests are but I know I don’t pursue it or do things that help me get there and that’s really annoying. I know deep down I really still wana be that ‘surfer’ girl just living near a beach and living a wholesome life, but it feels so out of reach and I don’t know how to get there. This year I gave K an ultimatum as I came to the realisation I need to go travelling. I essentially told him I’m moving to Aus, thinking he wouldn’t want to do any travelling with me. Instead he said he’d do asia with me for 3 months and then we’d come back and live together again and then maybe look to travel again after. Did you go travelling together? Was asia really enough for you to get it out of your system? I really hope you figured what you wanted. I hope you found a passion. Right now I’m trying to see whether that’s photography, is it still? I also really hope you do travel as much as you need to and don’t let anyone or anything hold you back. I hope you found a job you enjoy, or at the very least one that enables you to travel more. I also hope you’re a lot less self critical, as you always have been and it’s just a waste of mental space really. Stop picking faults at your self because you’ll never be happy! Happy birthday future self, whatever you’ve done the past four years, know that I’m not disappointed, I’ll always be proud. Ps I wrote this on the plane home from spain. I went with kyle for a week to mum and dads house. It was such a gorgeous chilled holiday! I hope you’ve kept up the tradition of being away for your birthday!