A letter from Sep 06, 2022

Dear FutureMe, How can someone be both jealous and worried for someone simultaneously? That's honestly how I feel about you right now as I'm still struggling to get used to my new job. By now you should be used to working every work day, 'the grind' or whatever. I'm still letting go and grieving knowing I'll never have another guaranteed summer vacation anymore. I really miss college. I was lucky for how long I had it. I miss my old friends and being at lunch together. Your feet have walked this reality so many times that I assume it doesn't hurt now. Physically and maybe mentally. Maybe only not as much? I'm mainly worried for you because one of our biggest fears of our mother dying is a nightmare that has a 'when' and will never be an 'if'. I'm hopefully jealous that, by now, Nathan and yourself are living together somehow. The gift of seeing his face before bed will always be welcome home, instead of a welcome back. I just want to see his face right now. I'll wait another 8 years if I have to, but by the time you get this, I'd even consider splitting my living times half with him, and half with ma. I assume by now you guys would be living together, but that would mean mom would have heartbreak. Either that or our biggest fear. Has Nathan had to have that fate too yet? Are you jealous and worried for me too? I know I won't get it anytime soon but... can you tell me how you're doing now? I wish you could tell me the future ahead of time. Are you okay? Are we going to be okay? I'm always proud of you, Always with you. signed, 2022.