A letter from Aug 28, 2022

Dear FutureMe, I'm sitting in this Starbucks after walking from Cafe Bene, Bean and Bean, and then finally here because it's a Sunday and I'm a dumbass who forces herself to find a cafe on a weekday even when I know that it's not easy for me to find a place to go. I guess that's why I have perseverance. And that I know how to make the situation fit for me and go where I need to go. Because I left the Starbucks too and now I'm at the park. Man, it's insane to have these sensitivity issues because no one is like me. No one at the Starbucks or at the other cafes was as picky as me. I need to be away in a big space where no one else is around, no music, not too hot, in comfortable breathable clothes, something sweet to drink to treat myself, and even better if it's in nature. I guess this is why ADHD is a disability. I've been out since like 2pm and I'm just walking closer and closer to home. But this park is really nice so I'm going to enjoy it for however long I can. Which is probably an hour and a half at most. I told Katie to keep me accountable and that I should have the 3 questions done by the end of the day. But now I'm realizing that if I can just get even one done that'd be a near miracle considering I'm in uncomfortable clothes and I'm not on adderall today. I watched the first episode of A League of Their Own yesterday and I just fell totally into a crush for the actor there. But I was aware of the situation enough to realize that it was a crush. I wanted to stop having crushes but maybe that's not realistic. Maybe it's enough to know and be aware of what I'm like when I start to have a crush and when I hyper-fixate. I'd like to hyper-fixate on making money instead. I want to make lots and lots and lots of money. If I could teleport anywhere right now I'd teleport into my elementary school and walk up to the rooftop to draw and write and be myself with a good bird's eye view. Hyperfixate on money.... I want to make lots and lots and lots of money. Money might be good reward system for me. I think food might be too. Or maybe drinks because I bought these chocolate covered power berries to give myself as a treat for when I get done with a question and it's not working well. I just eat them and don't actually do the work. I think it's because I know I need to eat anyways so I'm doing a good thing for myself regardless. I need to reward myself by putting physical money somewhere in like an envelope for stupid things that I would otherwise not allow myself to get. I saw this really cool girl with a lip piercing and I want some more piercings myself. But piercings are something that I'd get for myself regardless. Although belly button piercing and nip piercings aren't something I'd usually get so maybe those. This park is a really nice place to me to write. I kinda want to see my writing be adapted in Hollywood or elsewhere. I want to make visual forms of art, too.