A letter from Aug 22, 2022

To Dasi, 3 years from now First off, congrats for staying alive. At the time of writing, I was depressed, borderline suicidal and a complete wreck with minimal functionality. So if you are reading this in your inbox, it means you haven't ****** yourself and presumably are doing somewhat ok for yourself. I hope you got your **** together, at least some of it. I hope you found the courage to stop beating yourself up for your past mistakes. Existence is pain, but it doesn't have to be. Ideally, I would expect you to be working towards making the game in a reputed gaming company. Even if are still in India back to being a wagie, it still is better than living with your parents. And speaking of them, I hope you matured enough to maybe forgive them and yourself for whatever happened. It isn't worth making an enemy of your own blood; they are, were, and always will be your sole support whenever needed. We recognize this, even if we never show it. You are 30 years old now, belated Happy Birthday! Shame I didn't find the site earlier. You have a pact with your best friend, remember it and fulfill it. It's a far stretch to hope you have found a life partner, given our introverted nature and complete lack of relationship experience. I hope you haven't lost the few friends you have now and at least made an effort to find new ones. If you haven't yet, please make an effort to reconcile with the bong. I cannot bring myself to do it, hope you can. If there's one thing we have realized in depression is that we cannot do everything alone. Talk more, seek help, and get **** done. Yeah I know, I haven't been able to do any of these. We are bad conversationalists. Our autism brings out the worst of us because we don't recognize our best selves. I haven't found anyone who does, chances are you haven't either. I hope you have at least started your search. I never was able to imagine how I would be in the future. I want to say it was because I was always "Living in the moment", but you know better. We need more productive outlets for our talents. Our novel idea really needs to be on paper. It will be a decade (for you) forming the world of Esteon; we need it in writing lest it is lost within our heads forever. Hope there has been some progress on our video game idea as well. In case you are worse than I am: first off that sucks. Secondly, I know you are contemplating suicide. We arent courageous cowards, we are just cowards. Continuously idealizing suicide and its consequences, while in reality, we can't even cut ourselves with a paper knife. I hope you won't take the final leap, though if you do all I can say is that I understand. Well, that's all. Don't really know what else to say. I want you -us- to live a fulfilling life. If you received this mail and felt even a bit emotional, write one for your future. Maybe someday, we will get the Existence that we deserve <3 Love always From Dasi, 3 years ago