A letter from Aug 09, 2022

Dear Future Me, hey you, past You here, its a week before we turn 32, and I have been working so hard on getting past Sarah. I have finally come to understand that, while there was so much love there, there wasn't much of anything else. I didn't trust her as much as I should have for being so deep in teh relationship. I am finally starting to understand that that relationship, while everything we wanted for the future; wasn't everything we wanted. She didn't trust us, and tried to cheat herself, at least once to your knowledge. Imma be frank on this, you kept telling her that we were in it for the long haul, but you wouldn't give up Allie? That's not the long haul, that's a hollow promise with an escape route. We ****** up so bad in that relationship and honestly right now as I'm writing this, I realize that she was indeed right, I was a terrible, cowardly boyfriend. She was wrong however, I NEVER took her for granted. How could I? She was my Sarah, my partner. Look at our adult dating history up to that point, and tell me that I would take the only woman that wanted me by her side for granted? Absolutely not. I knew at the time what I was doing would destroy our relationship and any chance of a future with her. It wasn't until much time later that we realized that we have the requirements to fix our mistake, given the chance. We are not getting the chance, trust me on this. But who the hell knows what the future will bring. I wanted to do this to gauge how my mindset will change in 5 years. Will I still miss her? Will I have moved on with someone else? Will she be back in my life, or had been, then taken like some cruel cosmic joke. Am I still alone? Am i ok with the circumstances of my life at this point? 5 years is a long time, well be 36 turning 37 now as were reading this. How far will we have travelled along our life path by then? Did I do something in my time that your having to deal with the repercussions of in yours? I hope not I've been trying to be the best person I can be as to not mess you up again. Funny thing is a big decision is coming up, and I'm worried. It's not cuz its my livelihood I'm taking into my own hands, it's cuz I'm taking others' livelihoods into them as well and I'm scared of failing. Being scared of failure is another reason we lost Sarah. We have our oaths again, and were absorbing mana again, our magic is back. I won't fail, I can't. Well we'll figure the rest out and leave it to you, Mr. Future Man. It's Aug 9th, 2022. we still miss Sarah, but understand that she was ALMOST the thing we wanted, and we were the same for her, I bet she knows it too. We're moving on, Moving forward with everything we've got. She's safe and happy, and while we aren't exactly happy, were ok and ready for life's next event. I hope you can read this and say, "wow he's in for some ****" and if you are, it means we came out the other side relatively unscathed. What is the thing we want? open communication, no need to be afraid of telling our partner something no stepping on eggshells or needing a "mask" to be around each other. Trust, and love are obvious. someone who wants to be by our side, and not just as the "only option" If we haven't found her by the time your reading this, who cares? We're awesome, and it's honestly their loss on not knowing us, or not giving us the chance; and right now, I am proving that fact every day. Love you, man definitely **** ;) Past you