A letter from Jul 14, 2022

Dear FutureMe, Hello. By the time you read this maybe... Actually I don't know what you up to now. I guess I hope you're in a better place than me right now. I'm alright. Actually no haha. If you can still remember this time that I'm typing this, I am... I have zero energy to do anything. not even my exercise routine. I'm hungry right now while typing this but I thought to myself that I don't deserve to eat because... I want to suffer, I want to punish myself. Red flag behavior ya? haha. I want to change myself. I really want to change. But I don't know how. It's like... I'm preventing myself to change. **** me. I hate myself. Are you studying? I hope you are. I want to go to college. I'll do better... I just want to do something that my mother can be proud of. She wants me to wear a black toga. I hope I can give her that. Did you achieve your desired weight? I hope you did. Baka naman. Hirap na hirap akong mag exercise at mag self-pity dito, araw-araw ako malungkot kapag hindi bumababa yung timbang ko, I hope those suffering payed off already diba hahahahahah. If not then... just continue. Just try it again. Do you have friends? Don't be a red flag friend anymore. I know you. Gosh, you are me. Be kind to your folks. Friend are...I don't know. someone who you can trust? just trust your guts. I'm having a hard time thinking of what are friends. I actually don't know. We cut off a lot of people, yeah? do you still remember? stop that. It's sad to cut off someone without closure. hah why am I writing this. Live a long life. Treat our mother right. Love your family. xoxo, Hillary 2022