A letter from Jul 04, 2022

Dear Future me Today is 2022's 4th of July. I'm 13, well 14 this year and I think you might be 17 to 19 ish? wish I knew. So uh...what its like there? Did I finally made my parents proud? Are you still close with Emma? Did mama and papa agreed on me applying to Art school? Did mama and papa praised my artworks? Is everything working out well? Did papa stopped hurting you? If you ask what's like here, its pretty harsh. Something was wrong with me. I'm not sad, but something is currently bugging my brain. I'm so tired but not in a sad nor "sleepy" way. I don't know what's happening to me right now, I became more selfish and impolite towards everyone. Yeah, including Dad, Grandparents, Friends, Mom. Well...Mom and I are barely close because I was changing and turns out I changed to a daughter she didn't really like. I kept failing and dissapoint my parents this year. I'm jealous on my brothers. They always got my parents attention and they made them so proud. Unlike me? I tried my best to make them proud. Its funny cause even though I tried my hardest, it wouldn't affect them. I kept doing the same thing over and over again. If I tried too hard it'll make it worse. I realized I wasn't good enough and never will. I became so tired of this loop so I became selfish to everyone thinking that I could do better without anyone. My friends said I'm exhausted handling my anger so I just let it out to little things any people make. I'm so tired, but I really hope you're doing better now. God really stood me up, Cinta. Hope you recieve this message back from 2022. (ps. please tell me if something bad that happened in the future, yeah? I know its impossible but idk maybe try give out a letter to your past. I love you, Cinta)