A letter from Jun 19, 2022

Dear FutureMe, How've you been? Its been a long two, two and a half years, but I think I'm okay now. Do you remember those ideas I had over these years, and do they ever come close to realised? I'm really hoping I find out, soon, although maybe you've decided I shouldn't, or maybe you've dismissed them because you just can't commit to hard work. I'm writing this and realising how much I sounds like a 17-year-old, but maybe that's a good thing, in case you've forgotten that idea. It's not been a great day- a few moments where I cracked remembering old songs, but maybe that's how it was supposed to go. I hope at twenty it all makes a little more sense to me, and I hope we use our talents to make the money we need to help the world, if we have talents at all, lol. For context this is written after I just went out with xavier for the first time. I'm sure God has me, even if he's not showing it right now, so it'll get to you and help you to the best future you need, even if that's not a happy one, or you laugh at the person writing this letter, or dismiss him as naïve without really understanding the context it was written in, because that's what you need to do, and that's what all adults do- dismiss the ideas of people younger than them without ever really understanding why, and hiding behind the vague idea of "experience" I'm writing this and summarising a lot of the ideas I've had this year, scared that you might forget them, or in case someone else reads them, but something I really want to know is if everything makes sense to me when you read this. Right now, everything feels uncertain- the job I take, what happens to my mental health, if I could ever parent properly, my future family, if the upper sixth leaving means I'll have any friends I like next year, my university (especially Cambridge/Durham), and whether I'm slowly losing any gifts I might have. Do you ever resolve these issues? Obviously I have a lot to be thankful for, and my life is improving all the time, but idk if I'll make it to 20 without looking down the barrel of some **** office job I hate to help a family I'm inadequate for, daily, for the rest of my life. Hopefully over these next few years I finally work out what to do, and actually do it, but worst case scenario don't be afraid to throw it all away and move to rural Colombia. (How do I sign off letters? lol.) Callum. P.S I wrote this at a bad time, don't judge me.