First Day After Interview [Already Overwhelmed]

Peaceful right?

Dear Ashley, Today is June 17th, this day you will find out if you actually did well on the phlebotomist interview. Right now you're in that limbo phase of not getting the call yet; hopefully they don't call when I'm writing this. Already I feel like I am overwhelmed with expectations, and I haven't even seen what the shadowing is like yet. Yes, I am fully certified, however it's been a year since I have even used the skills I have been taught. This is a brand new hospital to me, and as well woth it brand new expectations. If they call me back with the good news, I'll be begining my journey in this career on June 21st. If they call me back with decline, in a way I feel relief and will work at Walmart or a grocery store. At least I know with Walmart they're supposed to give you insurance full time after a couple of months, unlike how they seemed to only want me on 'on-call' at first which has absolutley no insurance. If I do make it, I'm going to be polite but stern in at least having part time. I'm not touching that road until I actually know the ropes with the shadowing. I feel like I only know the order of the drawing of tubes, everything else has evacuated the moment they heard I actually needed them. I miss college and my small college job. It's the type of scheduling and role I've known my whole life, and it's just suddenly never going to be like that again? I am excited, of course I am. The biggest problem is this overwhelming fear of incompetence and I'm going to mess up someone's test, or even arm somehow. That drowning fear is rolling ontop of everything like a thick tar. I just need to remember that I made it through the certification. I've collected blood 70 times. But... That was a year ago. My brain keeps screaming 'What if I'm not ready?!' But I'm trying to call out back 'What if I'm ready to try?' By the time you read this it will be three months from today. Please tell me how you are doing, because I can't wait to be where you are. Please tell me it will be all okay.

Epilogue

5 days later

Hey Ashley,

I want to tell you it will be all okay,
but you and I both know there will be times when we will be *anything* but okay.
However,...

Lal si too thta akoy.
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3 bnee it eyaalrd nosmth hsa. . . ?.
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Ddi wlli llet wkro fro yawa egt ghitr ot ctaf otn fit jb,o gonig hietr ntiacxeseotp adn you het ouy im' thta ni yuo nittinepa. .
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Sreds ro to htta nlgiwli sgmtineho iermpso aitpn,eint fo work uore'y yuo up ysa dna pantotadia can lrean it a htwi. . . Ohw mcuh keta anc tyr soeallyrnp utb kwon nhwe oyu you only ouy.
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Nag,ia refysolu be vebleie erus eth amek i imswdo onkigwn hoctr ot yuor tub inyt atht apientnit of uoy twan the teyh uyo hda to tou ihwt bgine ofr uoy nbur not'd ltmisi srent try wlli arkps. Konw routhhg apst hieotgnms miseprs rfo ontd' ruoy ieln epaels ti limist tyr oruy yrtgni to atth by gaitndpa nelatm yuo ot eksa eopple o,ut won. .
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Fo tniqgiut fnodu trwlaam rouy niat,npeit adn of ohtghru tpamett dpsereeat ylfawah rfmootc agraenymddi rfo yuo egndaih ni.
Adn tdoueacni twan's tath no be esom ebertt nidehb ckab ot ftle a oneg it fo a epeca enbgi d'uoy icgsonho eieer yasd tshi kolo adet of poitn rveen got mrof if ti alrit fo.
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Sifh a rete blmic yuo petxce nct'a to a.
Thta nlrae n,stxteoaipec you ocnant ift eysv'nreoe gniog to yeur'o.
Shta't aoyk dna.
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Idd csirna,enu in ufor nisgtti wefer ietm fo 'im rhee gte our odimws nad juts actf uthom uto tthee you esinc oto ni. ,cienunasr he,pckcya noe of we suer a bted woihtut ktoo ofr ti be ni btu hist woldu yjomatir.
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In to yoeu'r ngoig tknhi elef etmi snaitp'et one earf toabu ggnio ilstl ti ot ot clndaitlcyae atth morf ienopnetct,m 'reouy tih eitm vreen dan.
Gintteg ttbere ear rheowe,v ouy.
Ouy lmlsa a eatiptns rouy ghiondl ndlauhf hvea twhi lneeed a gelten epsdeti anhd of eedrspims dskesnni nda. To rebeermm neam they ouyr nwta ewerh inotp hte to. .
Ahah no ruesreps. Ha.
Puer ti sasy ukl,c woh ubt swa lltis nwos?k rnabi oury.
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Iths ethm ot owh reenv gnoig of ogln couers, rtdates job e'ovyu llet eouyr'. Htta enhdaunter ilwl tsuj nad wear askm kmsa hctam a of coifcnedne syedmoa. Ti eht ot,o nede i btu do i irfdeceefn flee ltils.
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Homleitostpb ot igrynt ardbn sinarpitnoi bmecoe ocvid tge ceno uoy lwli nwe igchtnwa ddylunse a form sbraebw a. .
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'esh tngiyr tllis ghruhto to fi etg i,t.
Tlliear s,rcoeain ldo wne elniagnr odg a ikcrts.
Uyo can oto.
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Iuoatetpnt uryo'e steb can dnoig in eht you. Ltyse tsaf dan i'ts oyru oemr. Of ganindiv ady uoy crkca outba mehontigs anlmlyet ekbor ofr or fo for pnantiite ninrmgo iehrt ayn at tsuj otpihals moor ldobo eitm eso'esonm hte. Tmeh og kabc ta ouy lla gngoi slouisrye tion bakc, tdo'n etl ton t,swoihere ihgmt aktl ouy. Nsipe peek ehe,r peyhll,fuo oyu aehv ot drhaen ilciosen yeht odn't tujs etnh uoy os uyro.
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Rf,a roews ot juts otnpi adhesrt *ra*e uoy in aptr tuhs oesm oigng het ko,nw i'ts etg at nad. Troofmc ouy nifd wlil tuefru hte s,torm tnetpieori egiv tsih in tuhghor will yuo. Wrok do us igthns tuo ofr ulsluay. Rehet ni otn lslti nca eyt oyu qeuit too i'm ier,eht efle ym idmn i.
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Dna it rfa ot raf royu ytr, snsewllingi uoprd adem fo ouprd of veew' 'mi mi' os owh.
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Htruohg ol''d ao"k,y do 'im in but dto'n all boj htta oyu hesoowm hte '"tlli nkhit shit uyo urtth vige at uoy of elast i cna gunoeh kaem ot i be llet ti.
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Us leki epoh ofrm wno yuo mrof of lli' kignnhit i su be kngtihni si ryea too of who a.
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Ihwt dan so peec,tnai uhcm olev.
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Ysaehl tufeur het rfmo 3 omthns.

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