A letter from Jun 16, 2022

Dear Future Onyx, I'm graduating 8th grade in a week and by the time I see this letter again I'll be graduating highschool. Which seems so far away. I never thought I'd graduate middle school but here I am. I'm graduating next week. I know I have to but I don't want to, I don't wanna leave my friends and my teachers just yet. and maybe that's because as far as growing up goes I did a lot at Hillside and got a real sense of who I am, what I'm doing and what I want to be doing. And that brings me to my first hope for myself in the future. Which is to settle on an aspiration, as of right now I definitely want to do something that involves either art,literature,engineering, or science ( all four would be great though.) I've spent a lot of time in middle school discovering myself and as difficult as it's been, I feel like it's been all worth it. And I hope as you reflect on your past years while reading this letter, you feel like it's all been worth it too. My social life and identity has been my biggest struggle over the past three years. And over the course of trying to find myself I’ve lost myself quite a few times. During quarantine I discovered a whole new spectrum of identities and ********** which made me question a lot about myself on and off for months. All of that self doubt, questioning, and dysphoria which 12/13 year old me didnt know how to deal with left me not knowing what to think of myself, and that alone left me with more of a dull sullen feeling than anything I've felt so far. And I still get that feeling alot but I've started gathering more confidence and a more positive mindset surrounding my identity. Which brings me to my second hope for the future, which is to have my identity intact and where I want it. Adhd and anxiety suck is also a huge thing I've taken away from 8th grade. It makes it so I struggle maintaining my relationships,my grades,my mood and overall they cost me so much in terms of experiences, my social life, and everything else. Adhd and anxiety sometimes feel like a 300 ton weight on my shoulders but I'm learning how to get through them and work with what i've been given and things have been looking (mostly) on the upside which is good. And I hope it only gets better with time. I'm struggling grasping the idea of graduating 8th grade right now so I can't imagine how senior in highschool me is going to feel, so if I had myself as I am advice, it would be to remember all the nights you stayed up until 3 am with your best friends, playing video games, connecting over text and calls. And how you've had some of the best times of your life in those same calls. How you joked around with your friends in the hallways and how happy you were to simply have them with you, how you were running through the streets and parks playing tag and superheros with your friends during recess. Which now is well over 10 years behind you. Try to remember that you did have that childhood experience and that middle school experience that I know you are still going to want to run back to, even if they were ridiculously out of whack. You made friends and you made memories and as miserable as some days were and how many internal battles you fought. You have to look back and acknowledge that it all was worth it because it got you to where you are right now. Look back on your life and smile at everything you’ve done and accept that all things must come to an end eventually. I hope you take your love and passion for art, literature and engineering further than 8th grade you could ever imagine. I hope you'll be able to find what you're looking for in a career and more. And I hope that if you ever end up wanting too, you end in a happy relationship with whoever you please. I hope that you'll be able to graduate senior year with onyx as your first name and that you could finally put ryleigh behind you. Now with your adult years in front of you and your childhood behind you, make your highschool graduation one to remember. Sincerely, Onyx Cuccolo <3