A letter from Jun 14, 2022

Dear Future Me, The idea of the future scares me since I am not certain about a lot of things that's bound to happen. I have this immense fear of the unknown and part of that is wondering about what would happen to us in the future. Whatever it is, I hope you're still around and have not given up yet. There's a lot of beautiful things or events you will miss if you simply decided to stop fighting. These past few years, Anxiety has made itself known because I feel like I have no hold over the steering wheel. My life is mostly controlled by people around me and a huge outer force that's preventing me from taking over. I hope by the time you receive this letter, you are more free and happy than today. That you are in control. Since the pandemic started, life has not been kind to you. All the negative feelings or emotions replaced the positive ones. Joyful days turned to sleepless nights. Insecurities thought of stopping by and residing inside you. You despise who you are. You dislike your appearance, personality, relationships and lack of achievements. You hated how you can’t change anything. You were stuck for almost 3 years in a trance. I hope you are awake now and making wise decisions in a conscious, clear-headed state. I hope you finally realize your mistakes and have changed for the better. Please tell me you are working out to keep yourself fit. Please tell me you have a better relationship with food and you are consuming a healthy diet but also free to eat whatever you want. Tell me that you have friends in your new home. Tell me that you built a good social life and healthy relationships with others but also did not forget your family. Tell me you finally had the courage to apply for work for the first time. Tell me if you are happy at your job. Tell me that you’re thinking of going to college and pursuing a professional career. Tell me you are living independently and you can afford at least a stable life. Tell me you are not naïve and clueless as before. Tell me that you are more brave, more confident, more resilient, more mature, more assertive and more knowledgeable at your age. Tell me you manage to control your emotions. Tell me that you finally have a sport or hobby. That you can finally play songs on the instruments you love to purchase someday. That you finally have a talent and you are happy to share it. Tell me that you can afford and wear the clothes you want to wear. Please tell me that you are now different from the person writing this letter, that you’ve changed in a positive way and you can’t wait for what’s to come in the future. Tell me you are not scared anymore about the future. Tell me you accepted that there are some things that are meant to stay and leave. Tell me you can handle problems better, that you will cry at night but choose to face it the next day. Wherever you are or whatever you do, please please do tell me… that you still exist and you have finally chosen to prioritize yourself. Love, Your dramatic self from 4 years ago lol