A letter from Jun 12, 2022

Dear futereme, I feel alone and you are the only one I can text right now so yes here I am (again). The reason why I love sleeping until late (1 pm /2 pm) is that it’s faster time for me to go to bed again and just be alone in my room for the rest of the night. Also I hate my life and if I wake up early it’s only more hours to life. I woke up early today but I don’t really mind. I wanna study at my grandparents house cause I can concentrate better there but my dad wants to watch the formule 1 so I need to be ready before 1 pm or I need to study here. Yesterday I sent josi a goodnight message and she didn’t respond I understand that she’s having a break but the only thing I do is sending her a goodnight message so she knows that I’m here (she’s scared that I’m gonna **** myslef) I don’t want her to do this either but I’m scared she did cause as I said she didn’t respond I just wanna know how she is doing right now cause I don’t wanna lose her I wanna meet her again and again and again But FR tho nobody ever hugged me Well they did but it’s different only josi and ems gave me that one hug and josi did that the most even though I see ems the whole day Ems is not a bad friend we just have a different friendship I misss josi Im just wondering why everyone leaves me alone when I need them the most. My dad that leaves to the camping to be with my sister and step mother I know that I’m allowed to go with him too but I hate the camping with my whole heart And it feeels like they don’t want me there anyway so they are with the real “family” I Alwyas feel like a nobody in this house, I don’t belong here They always say it’s good to have me here and that I just feel like their daughter. But when I ask for the Netflix password it’s “well you don’t live here and Netflix doenst like that” my step mother always says she has 1.5 daughters and that she has a extra one in the weekend? That hurts me too what if my dad sees it liek that too. I’m just sad that my sister got to live here and sees my dad week in week out and I only see him in the weekend. Also I’m stuck with my mother the rest of the time . That’s not fun If you wanna feel worthless and that you do EVERYTHING wrong you should go there. I hope by the time you read this the things are better cause I don’t feel like it ever would. I never feel enough for anyone not for josi birthday for my family not for my mother not for ems My grades are so bad and I’m really trying to work on it but I can’t study when I’m completely alone and when there is Silence. I use music but than I just start to vibe in on the music instead of studying. So I kinda like it when I’m at my grandparents house they will talk and my dad will talk so I have interesting conversations to listen too and at the same time I can study I won’t tell my dad this cause he doenst understand and probably think I’m weird He is only busy with hiself and his friends and feline Ofc What am I? NOTHING! I will just be on my phone for now until I found the motivation to come out of bed and start to life again😭 Bye byeee Amy