A letter from Jun 07, 2022

Dear FutureMe, heyyy bestieee its young you lol. today is june 7th 2022, you're currently "ta9ray" lel BAC za3ma. by the time u get this email i really hope you're dead if not, at least you're out of this toxic environment that happened to be called "home". as you already know i... we had a really ****** up life, you know, we tried/thought about offing ourselfs chhal men khatra, got ******** abused by our own brother, mom knows about it but blamed us for it, same brother physically abusing you as long as u remember and getting all the privilege in this house, trapped in the house 24/7, parents never on our side, family who won't stop forcing you to try wearing the hijab, serious eating disorder (48KG at 19yo), smocking problems, depressed and sad most of the times, and the worst part is, we're self-harming a 3omri and I right now, feel like **** whenever i look at my hands and see all that burning scars and cuts on my thighs and more and more of some ****** up things that happened and still wont say it out loud or write it yet. you're probably saying: " why tf would 2022 me send me an email reminding me of all my trauma as if i forgot about them in the first place?!" well, you see, i feel like i sort of have to because as much as i hate to admit it, i think there's gonna be moment where you decide to forgive them for what they have done to you. i dont blame you tho, matkhafich. i know u cant control when to ably that whole "li fat mat" rule irl. but listen, if it makes u feel any sort of better to try to be a part of that family again then do, but dont you ever EVER, feel for a second that u did anything wrong, u did absolutely nothing wrong, au contraire, u tried ch7al men khatra tfahmihom and express your feelings and emotions even tho it was hard and i think you know how hard that really was (like that time you finally had the guts to tell your mom that u tried to kys hoping she would do something about it even if its just a hug but instead she laughed and said " no u did not" and invalidated my whole feelings, the time i told her beli Mohamed kan ymesni fi kol blasa w yselem 3liya men fomi when i was 5yo hoping she would at least stop him from treating me like an absolute ****, but no, she defended him w mes7at kolchi fiya saying "you're overreacting, khok 3adi ybosek w ymesek" even tho we're 10 apart) hia lmohim i really really reallyy hope you're loving yourself the way u deserve and i really really really hope you moved out from this city li kol 3am tnikek nika mor oktha without even using lube!! and remember wlh mansam7ek ida sama7ti mamana, i know beli u think beli tbdlti w kbrti and have diffrent mindset w mena, but, as long as i had to go through all of this alone, I DO NOT GIVE YOU PERMISSION BAH TSAM7I HA/HOM. period btw i cried wrting this eventho i said i wont. ps: do u still have a thing for girls or it was just a phase?? if its a yes, did ur first wlw break up hurt as much as it says it does on tik tok??????? (hada ida khrejti m3a tofla in the first place ya l virgin HAHAHAHA) w did u major in psychology?? if yes im proud of you, if u malgitich khadma fiha, nik mok i told u tkemli Anglais khir. XOXO nchtik bzaf ya future ana w ntlagaw fi 2026 nchlh a bb <33