A letter from May 24th, 2022

Dear FutureMe, I wanted to write to you in support of your hopes and dreams. I wanted to be able to tell you that you can do it, no matter what you have imagined for yourself at 27. I want to tell you that we are strong. But I'm so scared right now. Is everything going to be okay for us? Seems like its going right but it all feels wrong. I got the PhD studentship and you should just have graduated, the 15 year old us would have ****** for this, and I feel terrified to screw it up. Did we pull it off in the end? He...if you don't know who I mean then forget this next part...he says that he loves me and he wants this house and he wants kids and he wants everything to stay like this. But I feel trapped. I feel stuck here. But I love him? Do we have a kid, kids!? That would be crazy. I'm sorry that I screwed things up so much for you. I'm so sorry that I didn't take better care of you. I hope that you can forgive me for that and maybe not hate me. Do you write? Do you paint? I wonder if you have the courage to do what I couldn't to follow our dreams? I hope to all that is holy that you have a budget and a job, because being broke as hell is the worst thing ever. If things aren't okay, I'm here for you, even if nobody else is. If we screwed it all up, we can keep trying. It's not over till its over. I hope that we are okay, I hope that we are not in a dark place anymore, but I have a feeling that this is just a part of us. Regardless... hold it together a little longer. Do something good today, like bake a chocolate cake, ice it and eat the whole thing by yourself. Feel better. A present from me to me.