Crossroads of My Life

Dear FutureMe, Hey. Right now I'm really lost and undecisive about a lot of things. I hope this will provide you insight for whatever you/we may have to endure in the near/distant future. I know you know that right now I am gay and closeted. You also now that right now I am having a relationship with a guy who's in college, but even though I'm still in high school, we love each other a lot. This brings me to my letter for you. No matter what happens in the next few months/years never forget this time in your life...My family is a bunch of conservative religious bastards who hate anything that even so much as hints disobedience to the bible. My boyfriend who lives about a two hour drive away, doesn't want me to just pick the nearest college by him and go there. between you and me, I haven't even met him, but he is attractive and very sweet...He's smart too. I wish I hadn't made that wish so many months ago to have a boyfriend because now my wish has been granted, but at the cost of no longer wanting to go to my dream college. You see, he lives in a city far away from my ideal college. However, he attends a college that is acknowledged around the world! So was my dream school, but he doesn't go to that one. You can see my predicament...I'm a closeted gay who has a long distance boyfriend and is on the threshold of making the most influencial decision of my life, possibly...I've entertained the thought/fear that we may not work out and I abandoned my dream for naught, but I have hope...I wish I do get accepted to his school...that way EVERYTHING will work out! I'll be away from my family, I'll be with him and I'll be happy! I've already been accepted to my dream school (which is slightly selective and competitive), so there may be a chance I'll get into his school as well...I can only hope...As I said earlier, I am still in the closet (by the way so is he) and I face hidden discrimination almost on a daily basis. My friends deem things 'gay' if it is not good to them and I see the marriage issues on television almost every day. I just wish people would wake up and realize that humans are capable of love and that if they just so happen to love someone of the same gender, that's okay! Homosexuality wasn't a problem in the world a thousand years ago! It all has to do with religion. Don't forget to get yourself checked out for emotional/psychological problems while you're away. I'm sure stayin this long in the closet wasn't good for you. Also don't forget...I believe he really DOES LOVE me! Just because he doesn't call when you like doesn't mean he doesn't care! Remember what he said? He doesn't want to be the cause of you not getting a good education! He wouldn't say that if he didn't love you/me! Don't take it for granted and DON'T abuse him...I love him...now a least. Remember, he was your dream come true and if I'm right (hopefully), your dream isn't done being realized yet! Don't give up and don't worry about not knowing what to major for in college, it'll come to you in time...I'm glad I stumbled across this because I believe this will make all the difference later...love YOU always... Past-self, 1-21-2006 P.S. You're eighteen today. I hope he's there with you. Tell him I love him and that I will continue to love him even if we don't work out...give him a kiss...for me...bye