A letter from Mar 4th, 2022

Dear FutureMe, Im writing this on the famous couch at my grandparents house. Its 12:27 am saturday. I didn't go to school these last few days because i was sick. To be entirely honest I could go to school I just didn't feel motivated enough to. Usually I would ask my parents for it but I didn't rven ask. I'm in a middle of a pandemic thing are definitely WAAAAAAY better than before but it still sucks. Nothing is the same anymore. Everything changed. Nothing is normal. Not going to lie I hate this so much. A war is happening in Ukraine with Russia, and there's speculation of WW3 to happen. CAN YOU IMAGINE!?! WORLD WAR 3!?!?! God don't bring that. I am in 9th grade and I stress about grades a lot and want to get everything right now I don't care anymore. I just don't. I don't know why? The teachers and the students are not the same. Were lazier, unmotivated and just one way or another tired. I am tired. I am hating school right now. I would much rather homeschool myself than sit 6 hours everyday listening to stuff not taught well. The teacher don't really know what to do. I dont know what to do. I'm sick of this. I have zero motivation. In 3 months I have my "future test". Based on that I can get accepted in my dream high school. It's not a dream high school cause this one is **** as well but it's the best in Kosovo. I don't like my country here. I feel like I'm trapped. I wanna go out of this country so baaaaaaad. Please future myself tell me that you visited different countries out of Balkan and you went to a Arctic monkeys concert. I hope you get to make a massive bookcase and have that future book boyfriend. I want you to feel beautiful everyday. To have a god complex. Men to be afraid of you. People specifically. To be smarter everyday. I hope you actually put in mind to be a neurosurgeon and move to Italy. Pleaseeeee tell me u learned to speak italian already. I know how to cuss right now. I know lame. I hope that you Adea Bleta and Rea are still together. And all of you guys have cute dates together with future boyfriend. I am writing the book for that guy you hate but somehow love. I hope you finished that book and started another one already. Oh and i hope you looked the hottest in prom. Definently. I kinda feel trapped in my own thoughts right now. I just wanna scream soooo bad. I feel afraid to show my ideas, and when I do I feel judged. I hate it soo so so much. I keep getting on small fights with my family idk why sometimes i feel like a villian then I am like stop what are you doing. I am scared for not passing my test soooo much. I HOPE MY LIFE GETS BETTER. It's amazing its not bad I cant complain cus i have everything but I sometimes feel empty and I hate that because I shouldn't. UGHHH yeah that's basically what i have to say. I hope you'll experience the life I always wanted. My friends and family still keep telling me that I am living in fantasy and that's why Im gonna be forever single and high expectations in life. Please prove them wrong!!!!! with love your 14 year old self. xoxo.