A letter from Feb 24th, 2022

Dear FutureMe, Weeeeell. War uh? Never thought I would actually live that. Like. ****. All this for another white man's ego. I'm tired af by all this. It's been a few ****** years, with like, covid and cancer (not mine, mom's), and mental health and toxic relationships. But war? The screenwriters might need to take a break because this is getting way out of hands. I mean. I look at who I was 2 years ago and I can't recognize myself. I really went from nice girl with a questionnable sense of fashion (blame it on the need to fit in and the lack of money), long blond hair to whatever the heck is the genderfluid, short dyed (since this afternoon butt still) hair, with 'weird but I feel confident in them' clothes that I became. At least I'm happy with myself, you know. Like, confident, and most of the time okay. Not perfect but we'll work with it. Okay, idk what to say about Russia and Ukraine, so lets move on to another subject. Did you keep reading? I started reading again 4 months ago, I already read 4 and a half book this year (The Song of Achilles, The Perks of Being A Wallflower, 1984, One Of Us Is Lying and The Fault In Our Stars (yeah, again)), and I'm so proud of myself. Did you/Do you date Sha? Because I don't know what I'm feeling for them, which is making our relationship pretty blurry and idk if I like it. Like, I know I love them, just not sure it's in that way, and not knowing makes me anxious so I'm ruining our relationship. Plus I'm afraid to get with her because of their mental health condition. Not that I have a problem with it, but I don't wanna end up in a weird and sick and toxic relationship again, and I don't know if I would bear it. **** I should have seen a therapist after my breakup with E, everything would be easier today. Are you studying law? In this like super selective bilingual law school? Or did you just moved to the UK or bought a van in Italy? And please tell me you're not simping over some (fictional) dudes that could be your dad. (yeah I'm talking about Loki. And Oscar Isaac. And Jamie Muscato. And the list could go on and on...) Talking about Jamie Muscato, did you see a musical? On live I mean, not some slime tutorials on yt. Or even played in one? A lot of things can happen in a couple of years, let's stay hopeful. Also, wherever you are in life at the moment, I'm proud of you. You went through so much, and you're still standing. I hope life's been better. I hope this war will end. I hope our siblings are fine. I hope mom and dad are. I hope you are fine. You deserve to be. Me? I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, my friend. And I feel pretty, and witty and *** (flick wrist). Take care of us, please, take time, do things you enjoy, be kind and patient with yourself, drink enough, eat, do some sport, write down your thoughts before they flood your senses. I love you so <3 You but like in the past