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Dear FutureMe, you haven't drank in 16 days. that's awesome. you acutally feel so much better it's unbelievable. don't get me wrong, you still think about it--and you still want it--but when you do have it (just that once--two beers after volleyball last week)--you felt like crap. i don't like that "me." drunk me sucks. remember that. drinking for fun on an occassional weekend--OK...but not alone in your damn apartment every night...OK?????? you better not be drinking now. Pretty much off lexapro too...and still feeling better than you have in the past 5 years! you might even brak up with J. are you gonna? i understand you like having someone...but do you really want him? he's way too serious for you! he helped you out a ton this past year--as you totally helped him out...you were there for eachother thru probably the hardest year either of you have lived so far...but it's kinda over, isn't it? YES. it's just not in the cards...now, i hope you are not still keeping him around just to have someone- don't do that! be his friend! he will--after all,,,he did break up with you on new years. he is just as confused as you are...he just wants someone too. just break off the "lovey" part and be best friends. i'm serious. you will find that guy you so deserve. you are awesome and if you're really overcoming all your demons, which you've been doing pretty damn well lately---keep going. be single for once in your life! you may find something out that you never knew before. take a chance--you won't be alone forever! You're only 24---not an old spinster yet... grow some balls girl.