A letter from Feb 16th, 2022

Dear FutureMe, I know today is the day you picked all those years ago to end it all. If you read this, your still alive :) Past you isn’t too happy, I sit in bed writing this as it snows. I just spent the night with Zach, you remember him right? Well I’m honestly not too sure how you ended up. Currently I have no plans for the future, no goals, no hopes, no real aspirations. Just wake up, go to work, come home and go to bed. I wonder if I ever did end up going back to college, or if I just continued working at Starbucks. Am I in love with anyone? Are our friends in love with anyone? Did you cross some things off our bucket list? I just need you to be sure that no matter how this day plays out you take some time to reflect. This back to this moment as I’m writing this and see how far you’ve come. The people and friends that shaped you into who you are today. Check up on them, tell them past you says hi! Let it be known that I’m so proud of you, you are so strong, you pushed through the hell and made it to our last goal. I know when you read this it’ll be a few days after our birthday, did you have fun? Did you cry like always? If so, I’m sorry, you deserve so much better than this. As I write this it gets me excited that when you next read this our story can come to a close, we’ve been waiting our whole life for this. Does it feel good? Does it feel sad? Every waking day we’ve counted down until this day finally came. Will you go through with it? Will this be how our story ends. Honestly I can’t say, fate is entirely in your hands. Just think back to 2/16/22 as I wrote this and remember that solemn but hopeful feeling, remember sitting in our room alone, waiting for a text from anyone; if even just one person bothered to reach out would things be different? Have our scars healed? Are they just distant memories from a darker time, or are they stained red from fresh blood? Has the voice in our head finally gone silent? Are you happy? Are you proud of where you are? Are you willing to leave everyone and everything behind? I guess that’s what it all comes down to. Future me I just want to see you happy, do what’s best for the both of us. Love, you from the past