A letter from Feb 7th, 2022

Dear Jo, I am writing this letter with an ache in my whole being. I have a headache thinking if what I am doing is leading me to the right path. I have a painful sore in my heart because of fear and doubts. I think I am breaking my own spirit due to these. I know I am in a period of transition, a period of the "in-between". I just recently finished my master's degree. I was happy that I had achieved what I had wanted. But then, here it comes, what am I going to do next? I have been truly grateful that I have some people who are giving me opportunities. But I don't know why I am full of uncertainties. Fear is crippling me. I have this feeling that I am no good, that I can't give something great, that I am not more than enough. Lord God, I cry out to you to take these feelings from me and replace them with confidence and a sense of direction. I have only 3 weeks now before the deadline of my PhD proposal. And I am super unsettled. I have been worrying about this since October of last year. I haven't started writing a thing for this proposal. I have ideas but I don't have confidence. I don't also have a job now, I am still looking for the right job for me. I know have to get one sooner because my family has been relying on me. We're living off of my savings. I have too much pressure on my shoulders and it's paralyzing me. Dear Lord, remind me that you have been there ever since. My victories in the past were because of you, because of your gifts, because of your guidance, because of your generosity. You never failed to help me get through my previous worries. "You see me. You know me. And you love me through and through. " Remind me that just like Noah's ark, you were the one who provided the details to build it. And it was perfect. You were the one who provided people to help Noah to build it. And it was a masterpiece. You were the one who helped them get through the floods and the rains. You were the one who gave a promise, You were the one who showed them the rainbow at the end. And it was in history, it was remembered throughout the generations. Now, Lord, I put my faith in You. I surrender to You. Provide me the details, Lord. Provide me with people. Let me believe in your promise. Use me to create a masterpiece for a greater purpose. Let me see the end knowing that this is all because of you. I hope Jo that when you read this in the future, you are where you are now because God put you there. That when you read this, you remember that you suffered but God has been with you. I hope you are happy. I hope your family is happy and secure. I also hope and pray that the people who are helping you with this will be living a life of happiness and faith and meaning. Lord God, I pray for them. Thank you for giving them to me. I know that you can't deny that this PhD will aid you to a better future for you and your family, and I hope also to the people you care for. I pray that you'll get this while knowing and understanding that God will put you in the safest place, the place where He wills you to be. Love, Jo 2022