A letter from Feb 3rd, 2022

Dear Future Claire, Hi, you should be in Collage by the time you get this, Probably studying criminal justice, right? Did you get into SDSU? Anyway, I'm writing this because I'm in a pretty rough place right now, and I'm beginning to wonder if I'll still alive at the time this is supposed to get to you. Everything around me is falling to pieces. And Audrey, the girl that kept me alive for so long... is gone....I thought I that I would love her forever, It still doesn't quite feel real, I mean, how could she possibly be gone? she was just here. I just had her. right now, as I'm sure you can remember, it feels like it would be better to just leave. At least then I wouldn't have to suffer as i am right now. but it really doesn't seem like I'll end up making it out alive, I'm trying my best, but I can't seem to get out of this hole. I can't eat, I can't sleep, and it's like everything in me is numb to happiness. I just miss her so much, and it's been 2 Months, I thought I was starting to be ok, but then this morning I woke up crying...I had a dream about her, that she was back, and she was ok, and we lived our happily ever after-that's all I wanted. And now its gone...and everything is numb. That's why I cut, because then at least I feel something. currently there's only a few things keeping me here 1. My family, specifically my cousins; they need me here, and I couldn't put them through more pain, they've had enough. 2. Audrey I know she's gone, but she'd be so sad to see me lose to the same fight as her. Everyday, I fight for her, I fight the bad thoughts in her honor. 3. The thought of a future I've dreamed of since I was a child, the future where I'm away from my parents and I can love who I wanna love, and have the job that keeps me in school. When I'm a cop, I can serve and protect. protect, all I want to do is protect people from making the same mistakes I've made, and help them do things with their life. anyway, I hope that you are in a better state than I'm in right now, and I hope that you made it! and that you still exist and didn't give in to the urges. And I hope you're working toward your dream. Sincerely, high school you.