from the past, 13 january 2006

You, If you are reading this, wherever you are, you turned 20 at 5.34am this morning. No doubt you remember sitting on your futon in Tokyo in that cold room feeling dejected and a total failure at life, writing to yourself 6 months in the future. Yes, laws are shite, and they are meant to be broken in several instances. And no, I no longer respect the opinion of that bureaucratic process that just got you kicked out of your country. You haven't a friend in the world that would stand by you except your sister - remember that. Make sure she doesn't turn. You were pushing her away and I hope you fixed that. I hope that your debt has been eliminated. I'm sorry for causing problems with the finances and I can't wait to see how I figured it out in retrospect. I hope you have found someone. At this point I've not heard my own voice in five days, and I haven't eaten a bite in 48 hours. Always remember these things - 080 3255 9472. That should ring a bell. The delicious soup at Soup Stock, the beauty of Shinjuku lit up with twinkle lights, the cash machine at the hotel, the bitter cold, the Postal Savings, the vending machine, Ami restaurant, Yoshinoya, Donki and buying the futon that first night, Crystal Yacht Club on Tennozu Isle, Caroline and how much she tried (you owe her a letter of thanks), and Linda, who had little faith but was still willing to help when no one else would. Forget about those people that never spoke to you again (Issei, John, James and company). Also, send a letter to Liina. She tried had as well. I hope you are in California, the Virgin Islands, or Britain when you read this. If not, work at it. You can do great things, but everyone always fucks it up. This immigration proceeding is the biggest waste of time I've ever endured. I'm not strong enough to tell these people to go to hell, and not resilient enough to try to take up illegally. You're bold, but you don't know everything. Nothing will be easy, that's your nature. Things will be as convoluted as they can be, and sometimes you won't be able to handle it. You couldn't handle this, and you wasted tonnes of money trying to prove that you could. Remember Nitori and the man that helped you. If you're back in Tokyo, stop by and thank him. Lament in the fact that you never got to do more travelling after your money ran out, leaving you cold on the floor in your room writing this letter. I hope you are warm, full of food and in a much better position than you are right now. You need help, but you had no one to help you. So keep Jane close, and to hell with the rest. Only you can take care of you, so try to think long-term. If you could apologise, I'd expect one but if things are better when you read this, be happy. If they aren't, stop what you're doing and address the problem. Look into the car job in Napa Valley, keep in touch with Jaela/Jenna/James if possible. Know when to cut your losses and get it back together. ESTABLISH A HOME. That's something you've never had, as you well know. Wiltshire was as close as it comes. You don't need a relationship, you knew that then and you still know it no doubt. You'll be fine if you look out for yourself, SETTLE DOWN IN ONE COUNTRY, and be laid back. It'll work out. Just remember how much it used to absolutely suck. Now I have to get back to the sucking. Take care of yourself and be good. January 2006, 2-8-13-101 Okubo, Shinjuku-ku Tokyo 169-0072