A letter from Jan 16th, 2022

Kiran I just wrote a letter to you but I made it too vague. This time I thought I'd just screw it and add names, make it public. Makes it that much more exciting since people love drama, right? LOL. I know you don't like to read the sad and depressing stuff you write to get off your chest so I'm not going to go into that but I'll ask this: How is Jenny? How is your relationship with her? You got closer after she moved and you started talking a little about the sad stuff going on in your lives LOL. Do you have any concrete or semi-concrete plans to visit her in Australia? Or for her to visit you in England? Florentina? Jan? Nadeera? Have you met them in England? Do you plan on doing so? Has Jan moved to Bulgaria yet haha? Arub!! Are you roommates? Do you have plans to be roommates? Is she even still in Tbilisi? Did she transfer to another uni in Tbilisi or did she maybe transfer to a uni in Doha? Or did she just stay at TMA? Are you still in GD? - PLEASE TELL ME YOU ARE STILL IN GD. You've been staying with Arub in the city and we love her cute apartment and Arub herself but you are also having GD withdrawal symptoms. I realised that I really really do not want to leave GD. Like, I knew it before but **** does this confirm it. And the questions you're waiting for. Or maybe dreading? How is Narna? How is Aniza? How are 2 of the closest people in your life, the 2 people you somehow managed to ruin your friendships with, despite them giving you countless chances to try again? How is your friendship with Narna? Your brother-not-brother? The one you somehow managed to drain mentally? Are we better? I really really hope we are. We have a flight in 10 days together and we just had The Talk 2 days ago that basically ended with us taking a step back. These past fateful 10 days. Man, you cried. A lot. You had a panic attack. And a half. You were in a constant state of anxiety because you couldn't just TRY to talk. You left it too late. How is Aniza? Nizzy bestie? Are you still besties? I hope you are. She's like your little sister. She quite literally annoyed her way into your life and you both hated it and loved it. You fight like ca and dog and then eventually just go back to normal. But in your self-destructive ways, you kept hitting her by blocking her out too. And taking advantage of her ever-forgiving nature. Something you appreciated more than you expected, and something you ended up abusing. Is the chaotic trio still alive? You, Narna, Aniza? By this point, Noor will be there, right? And Sundas! Aniza's roommate is supposed to arrive next week and...I don't know if we'll meet her anymore. You, Aniza and Narna had the most chaotic sibling relationship ever. You'd laugh about it to people because you'd describe it as living like homeless people - living meal by meal. We'd go all day without food and then someone on the groupchat would say sooooooooooooooo who's cooking? And then you'd end up eating Aniza's food at questionable hours because it just always ended that way. You'd bicker and argue and fight like siblings. You could speak about pretty much anything. You'd opened up to them so much that I don't know if THEY realised how open you were being for YOU. You trusted them and confided in them. You were all one unit. Did you manage to mend this? I really hope you did. Especially before anyone entered the picture. I miss them so much. But I know that only in time we will know. Time and effort. Especially on my part. I hope that during the break I can keep talking to them. I hope that I can work on myself. I don't know how I'm supposed to prove myself when we're not together in the UK, but I've got to try. In shaa Allah it all works out, K. It made us think more spiritually too. We always KNEW but it's different when you're actually applying it to yourself. I love religion. I love the reminders that everything happens for a reason. That at the end of the day you're on your own path. Focus on yourself. If you really wish for something, PRAY FOR IT. Turn to Allah. He is the All-Mighty. So I pray for my friendships. I pray for myself. I hope you're mentally in a MUCH better place, K. You've been through stuff you didn't realise you DON'T want to be going through. You're not AS anxious as before, you're calmER, but it's still there. You have an exam tomorrow and you couldn't study. You just couldn't. You slept so much. I hope you passed BS3 and LS2 (which you're taking for the THIRD TIME!!!!!). I hope you sorted your apartment out and that you're in GD. I hope that you got to go home on the 26th. I hope that you found your passport in time. I hope that you can speak to your dad better. I hope that he was as understanding as you think he might be and that he'll let you come home and sort your apartment out later. Please update me. See you next year in shaa Allah. And in 6 months bc I clearly can't wait that long. K