A letter from Dec 27th, 2021

Dear Future Me, 2021 is coming to a close. It has been so badass. I've graduated, made huge dreams and let go of them, went down a path I never thought I would, and made some really cool cakes. I've been thinking a lot. It's my first finals season as an interior architecture student and I am so overwhelmed with the amount of work I have to do that I'm starting to doubt this decision. I was drawing some elevations at 1 am the other night thinking to myself, I wont go to sleep without finishing the c-section and it suddenly occurred to me. I just looked up and said to myself, what am i doing here? Why am I doing this? You know how we've molded Emlyn to be this independent character who is so dedicated to her job and we've always aspired to be that kind of person. Having a career in a field that I love and having no trouble staying up late to work or sacrificing weekends to work is something i have always aspired to. I keep remembering how i was cornered into this major, how i had my eyes set on Ankara for a while and then it all crashed down and I had to chose a major and I had an offer that expired in a week and I just went ahead with it. I don't think I was thinking clearly when I chose this major. I remember saying that this is something i would enjoy studying and then after graduation id pursue another field, something that i want. You see, I was enjoying it the first few weeks but now everything feels like a chore and the mere prospect of making models for the next 3.5 years makes me want to lurch. And after all it all comes down to the fact that i never saw myself doing this as a job for the rest of my life. The whole point of not choosing an art major was the fact that I can't be creative everyday. Art is fun when you are in the mood and feeling up for it, not when you have to force yourself to do it every single day. And my back hurts like hell. And I would love to get a full night's sleep. Gosh I would like for a day to pass when I don't think about building a ******* model I am so sick of my room constantly looking like a dumpster with scraps of cardboard and foamboard and chopsticks everywhere. @2022 me, Did we figure it out? Tell me we are no longer lost. Tell me we found our calling and didn't settle for this major. Or tell me we made our peace with it and can finally see ourselves doing this for the rest of our lives. I know by then everything will have worked out. I hope we're happy :)