A letter from Dec 26th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, hey it’s soph. i am currently 13 years old, so when you get this, i’ll be a 18, an adult. i honestly don’t know how to feel about that. i dont know if i’ll make it to 18 and i’m not sure that i want to, but for your sake, i’ll just say happy birthday. it’s so strange to me that the next time i read this i’m going to be an adult. i hope things get better. i hope that you’re proud of me and the journey i have been on and will go on to turn into you. i hope you look back at this time in my life and laugh about the things i do that you now realize are dumb. i hope you read this and remember how hard things used to be, and smile with gratitude that things are better now. and i really hope you’ve made out with someone by now. i’m not sure whether or not to go to boarding school next year. i want to, don’t get me wrong. i want to get out of here and have adventures on my own. i want to be independent and dive into new deep waters. but at the same time, i want to stay. yes i might hate it here and hate that i’m stuck in this concrete hellscape of douchebags and unpredictable weather, but there are things here that make me want to stay so bad. 1: it’s ******* terrifying to think about living on my own in a whole different state at 13 years old, no matter how much i might desperately want to. 2: maddie. 3: tim. 4: jesse. 5: abby. 6: my dogs. 7: no matter how much i might hate it, this is home. and leaving something i’ve known nearly my whole life is terrifying. 8: what if i go and then realize how much i ******* hate it but the money has already been spent and we can’t get it back. 9: stealing moms weed anyways, i have a huge crush. i’m sure you know tim and i hope he’s still in your life. he’s so sweet and funny and kind and adorable and so ******* hot. plus he’s the BEST person to talk to when you’re upset. i could talk with him for hours. i mean the first night we met we got lost at night and just walked around in the dark talking about deep honest ****. he’s so hard to read though. i literally cannot figure out if he likes me or not, it’s infuriating. but something in me likes the flirty tension of not knowing before i eventually cave in and tell him. i think i figured out my ********* (bi) but i mean it’s not like my ********* has ever stayed the same for too long. and i keep seeing the number 444 and ik it’s an angel number but i only see that one and idk what it means but hopefully it means good things for love. and my mental health is still ******. and i have covid. my hair is thin and short ish and brown and i hate it. i feel like my nose is too big. there’s honestly nothing i rly like about myself. right now my best friends are kiara maddie and tim. i hope they’re still around when you read this. i lost danika and anna but i think that may have been for the better. there’s so much i want to tell you and i wish i could just take my entire life right now and spill it all out onto paper but that would take so long and no matter what, i would always forget something. my heart hurts right now and i know that there will never be a time where it doesn’t, but i hope it gets better. my mental health is ****, but you already knew that. i can’t wait to grow into you. i don’t love me, but hopefully by the time me turns into you, you’ll love you.