A letter from Dec 21st, 2021

Dear FutureMe, Sheesh, you in med school??? Are you?? Plz say yes. I’m 16 and terrified of the exams in 2 weeks: biology, chemistry, psychology and history. But, you should be terrified of med school exams. Are you even in med school?? It’s your sisters birthday today, it’s 10:50 and you’re avoiding your revision. She’s pregnant with a little girl! I was there at the gender reveal! Her boyfriends family are really nice actually. And today is sunday 26th December 2021, yeah it’s taken me a while to start writing this again. Christmas was yesterday and Christmas Eve was 2 days ago and they were both very nice! Idk how to explain it, christmas didn’t feel the same way it used to feel, probably because I’m getting old although, never been a fan of Christmas. Eve was great, lovely, everything was good. The baby is going to be called Amelia, due in less than 2 months! I had a dream where the baby was already here, i have weird dreams, how are yours? Do you go therapy? I keep thinking about starting it but I’m too busy and it’s expensive… Lately I’ve been thinking about my future and what i wanna do. It’ll always be medicine but I’m overly optimistic and med school is very competitive soooo maybe i should chill. Especially considering i wanna go oxford med. wonder which med school you’re in?? You’ve always been optimistic which is weird, kid whose hopes just cannot be beaten, it’s the one thing i like about you but also the one thing that makes everything so much worse when you fail. I got my chemistry results back and did cry! 39/58 - 2 marks off a C. I’m just so annoyed and disappointed, i missed so many marks because of my common sense. Still waiting for biology results, my hopes are not high! Psychology is the only thing I’m doing well in, keep getting As and A*s although it’s not the thing I’m interested in at all, let alone want to persue. History is a pain I’m probably going to drop after this year just because. I really do enjoy it but I’m afraid I won’t get the grade As and A*s i need. I think I’m going to live in denial about my ********* for the rest of my life. Perhaps sixth form is the last time I’ll ever think about it before settling with a good guy. Maybe I’ll settle during sixth form?? I’m still single (quite sad if you ask me). It’s not something i want to live as. Life is simpler when you act a certain way and i think i might live that way out of, not obligation, but out of comfort??? Not sure. I’m so not sure and it’s not like i have friends i can talk to about this. That one girl whose your “friend” isn’t actually, you’ve always known but it’s lonely out here so you make do. I’m so scared of university whilst simultaneously loving the idea of it, I hope you’re enjoying your time. A whole 5/6 years!! Unless you didn’t get into med school and are now idk, becoming a chemistry teacher. JUST REALISED HOW OLD ILL BE IN 5 YEARS OH MY!! You’ll be turning 22 in 6 months, jeez excessive much. Weird though, you’ll be in a totally different environment surrounded by totally different people with totally different friends, odd. You hang out with like 1 person during breaks, if that. Sometimes 2 but rarely 3. You’ll forever be that 5 year old kid you feel like (unless you go to therapy). I’ll forever feel the need to run every time things get a little bit difficult (again, unless i go to therapy). It’s a weird, odd, feeling knowing that some things cannot be fixed but i really do hope you feel better than i do, that’s how I’ll know everything’s worked out for me and you. P.s. you still have a phat crush on your chem teacher and it’s quite unhealthy if you ask me, plz fix that <3 - LO (16, clumsy and shy ;)) - hope you didnt go to London.