A letter from Dec 24th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, Right now I am struggling. I'm not sure how to feel and I keep telling myself that suicide isn't the answer and if my brain is going towards that path then why? What makes me feel this way, why am I sad. Man I'm typing this while crying, like why?!?! Why am I crying!?! Why do I feel this way?! I don't know who to go to for help and I know there are people out there I could talk with but I would feel like a burden even if they say otherwise. I blame tiktok lol, giving me videos that put me through qn emotional Rollercoaster, like I'd be crying then all of a sudden I'm dying of laughter, thennn I'm fixing the way I'm laying bcuz some dang scary tiktok decides to pop up along with 5 other ones. A lot of these videos also made me realize things and yea. I feel better now eeeee, anyways. Hope you're doing well, AHH idek what's wrong with me. I think I might be bipolar -_-, anyways a while ago I read a book about these people, ikyk what I mean, anyways so the blonde one is claustrophobic and showed why and it made me realize I'm fricken claustrophobic. Remember when you were always so scared of lying straight down on the couch bcuz you're tall and you were scared of being stuck and not being able to get out? Yes I know weird but fricken stuff like that scares me, well you, eh us. Well sometimes the tight space is comforting depends the situation. Oh yea so Junior year and man idk how to feel about it, like better than freshman year but freshman year started to suck during this time until February and rn its December and I'm feeling the same way I did that time. Man this is getting a bit too long. Welp this will be my 2nd letter to my future self. Next year imma be a senior and get a letter from 8th grade me woo-hoo. Woah if you actually go to college rn then you'd be a junior like me but just as an adult in a higher educational environment. Woahhh. Imma make this public but anonymous becuz why not bet 100% of you won't know who I am. Anyways Imma get this in 5 years on my birthday, yay. Happy birthday to future me. I'll be 21, omg yay legal to drink, jk I don't drink or more like I don't plan to and if you do slap yourself so hard right now, omg girl like who messed you up. I know right now I'm scared of relationships bcuz that's too much for me qs an overthinker ok? If you doing what you shouldn't be bcuz of a relationship then you bad girl go fix yourself. Omg hopefully your relationship with your cousin is still good, bestie if you know this me typing this and you reading it, we'll I love you, eee that is for my cousin. Anyways where we at, oh yea I love my family, the people I live with rn in 2021, including my dad that's 6ft underground, other people that people say is my sister idk you. As the message goes on, I'm pretty hungry rn, I'll eat later and OH 30 MORE MINS TIL CHRISTMAS EVE, honestly not that excited but gotta be happy right? Well that is it for now, make a new one future self letter like this when you receive this, ok bye we'll never meet again the second I send this. I guess I love you, mainly your hair everything else uhm yea we don't talk about that. Bye see you in 5 years, technically today for you but whatever. Bye