A letter from 15 year old you

Peaceful right?

Dear Future Me, first off, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! who cares about your age--go celebrate! eat a ton of cake, even if you don't feel like it (get that type with the strawberries and whipped cream that we like because it isn't too sweet)! buy yourself a nice present! treat yourself to whatever you're craving! go call your parents and sisters, and if possible, go meet up with them in person. hug a pet, and if you don't have one, hug someone else's. this is a big milestone, you know. scary, but big nonetheless. i want to be the first one to celebrate for you. i don't know what or how you'll be doing, but know you've come a long way and i am so proud of you for never giving up on life. how crazy is it to think that you're 20 now? an adult? that's crazy and quite unfathomable to me right now, to be honest. i may be a high school junior, but mentally i still feel like a freshman. it feels like i never got past 13. ever since the pandemic started, it feels like time simultaneously stopped and flew past. it's disorienting, to say the least. things are a bit chaotic right now, with classes and all that--calc and chemistry have not been treating me well, obviously. and the stuff with relationships and figuring myself out.. it's so confusing. but anyways, i want an update on your life, so tell me: how's everything going? tell me everything! i'm really unsure of what i want to do in the future right now. did you end up deciding what to major in? what college are you at, if you're in college? are you having fun? is it as scary and exciting as you'd always imagined? are you still keeping in touch with old friends? don't forget to take care of yourself always. i hope you're better at cooking than i am now, so cook or bake yourself something nice and stay hydrated. and make sure not to pull too many all-nighters in a row. are you still keeping up with your interests? i hope you didn't drop drawing or piano. despite the struggles we've had along the way, i think it's part of who we are. have you started a webtoon yet? have you finally learned a liszt piece like you always wanted? how's your guitar playing? and here's a suggestion: if you're bored, why not pick up skating again? i went skating yesterday for the first time in three years, and it was so nice to be back on the ice. i hope you have time to maybe go for a skate now and then! how are your personal relationships going? things are a bit rocky for me right now. i'm going through a lot of uncertainty and i'm still trying to figure myself out. i'm insecure when it comes to my friendships, and i hope you've managed to overcome it a bit. if you find yourself lonely, give yourself a hug and pick yourself up. reach out to new people and don't be afraid. oh, and let me know if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend! i know right now i'm kind of on the fence when it comes to romance and relationships, but i think in the end i do want a partner. just remember to be careful and not rush into anything. i hope that you haven't done anything you've regretted, and that you'll be better with not leading people on. oh, and right now... everything with grandma's dementia. it's hard. it's really hard. by the time you read this, she'll probably be gone. i don't know what to expect when the day comes--grief? shock? maybe even relief? i don't know. i hope you're doing okay. remember to give everyone you love a hug. if it's happened, know that she loved you so, so much. i hope you're doing okay on your own! we always had a fear of separation, i think, even if we never admitted it. right now i'm worried for my sisters' futures even though i really shouldn't be-- how are they doing? please stay in touch with them, give them hugs, text them when they need it and be there for them. you know how much you love them. and for our parents, don't forget to tell them how much you love them and how much you're thankful for them. i hope you're in a stable situation, and i hope for the best. i'm really curious-- are you still talking to li? if you aren't, what made you stop? was it gradual? when did you realize you didn't need them anymore? was it sad? and if you are, that's cool!! i honestly can't imagine being without them, at this point. oh, and i hope you don't let go of your faith as well. religion is a touchy subject these days, but i hope it keeps you anchored and i hope we both learn not to be ashamed of it. in a world that's ever-changing, don't forget your core values. if you've let go or your hold has slipped, that's okay. pull yourself back up. ahh... i don't know what these next five years will hold. it's a long, long time, and to be honest, i'm scared. however, i have a feeling you'll be able to figure it out. for me, thinking about it makes my head spin. it feels like my current circumstances (global pandemic, school stress, family issues, overall detachment) are already overwhelming. i can't imagine what it's like for you, and i worry about it. but i know that if you're reading this, you've come so, so far. i hope you're happy. i hope you're proud of what you've done, because i'm proud of you. and you know what? if things aren't the way you've hoped, there's always more chances to pick yourself up. remember that you're loved by more people than you even know. happy birthday! i love you so, so much. cheers to a great rest of your life. i'll see you in five years. sincerely, you [12/17/2021]

Epilogue

2 months later

Hi, past me!

Wow, we were so different back then. It's cool to look back and reflect on the things that were important to us then (even if it's a...

Chmu iensc wrgon ktinh bti i soshw acbeesu ti vie' s)aasmrgnibe who. .
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Tib amdit btyrhadi i ym that ffiitducl a asw. Swtrdoa bda ypler ntirgwi gitinhkn ilgnraisp ubt im' ufetru i pyertt etf,ar wsa eht thta stih wto wkee hsotmn. Nad eysdldnu uchm tplaesro,iisnh i atutneyicrn inedgrda utigaanrod letf aetrtds srngoiundur so i nad ytucmnoim. Uaclat ,thta nda by dgoo me ym ot lveo am nrgmschtos,oi rtehi be nad hribaytd htwi ebsldes fdlile was stedeip a fyliam uhsc io-j-y orusrdudne utb svole dnseifr. Ever dna sene ltyaualc i edn up nhigt ti ace;k avhngi omamhede i rrrseatbwy na,lnaa did ,mame yb eth it tierpetts saw aevh a & anan was. A at drinne seuho msduim delcsoiiu ahd i. Eveyr acbk ohw dera thst'a dsetxei si me svoiern your hwo i on rcgea ofr tbu erew ot adn mftcriepe fo eeedcrtlf rtotminap fymsel we adn rfo it rtleet eavh. .
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Btu eefl ilek leik !eetstinw ecsni so flee vie' i i'm m'i ltisl uhcm d'not ym be i 7,1 i oknw chadgne ni od nteh atht ns,teho siltl ot. A i'll cdlk""lihei eenb ekpe 'vie onutc fo semo os in htat ttha flie syhwmi sebinlgs ot bela it my. Botdu adn ywh( you lal idd ,ngnnieegier 'mi i ,yse ddi ni t?),at?h nmaoigjr of ntisgh kmea certuomp ti onit cgleloe. Vnere in tbu up edn lfie ocdflinser atnh eht wath of it i( atgtrees eicxperene bymae is of di' enbe het edpxtcee my so edfntreif oasl ew s'ti gthuoth isoil)nil. Elyrla adhr dha ma dasy dna as nrogw so and asd ornesp esvodrcied evi' 'evi how a tg,nhis btu uhcm i. Cuymmiont wno yrea foudn a omfr ttirbeetesw as m'i si yrairsnetvit nad gurpo up ngiihinsf alsml dedne hatt i dnwo neve dsphreliea esgpintp ylmsef wlirhc--deahe dan uroijn ym gaainzm an in pu. Fdrines oeg-fnlil ve'i fudon. Het dilne about i rfo tehrnpnsii an het pu vhea eenv mmsreu )!; si-rlnelghat. . . Ehh. Btrete any lesep 'tdon ym wkno si fi shueceld i. Hatt ,ti tnikh i swayal nwo ti wsa btuao yrptte dba. 'sti inidltyfee a eulsrggt erlya rmoe to weka fo umhc up.
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I 'its veyer hrteo kveye/weer adrtste ubtoa siht lterte oyu euasbce gnkist,a i dha tiwh eekw itangks erad tsju aigna nhgtah lsodhu og nfuyn ewhn takl ttha ot. -rg-itthi efgienr 'yuroe si. Cpidek sola my dogo auaylctl ttgoen veeelib or 'vei dlibrllrnogae rfmeahsn ti a,eyr ton! pu i qitue. Icteercl goa i eb os wto 'dyu(o a)tth rtiagu mmuerss gouhbt an obuat idecxte adn. But ym nlp'iygas my at trtpye si tath trtb,ee griuat tiuarg much not lseat.
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Scuoer wrdgian lslti of m'i. Eht hist fo sfirt tmso tabeld aws 'ist xerpneecei utb i ta,thifgr at it art tnnioonevc my mite aruyjan i rdhear i ym ot stpa uioestd rof sldo tmei! fdni usesg eht gaanimz ardw to first and. And i uot ten upt mead bakc i thwa seitm ldos in neve. Nda cloo i ohw rveeyneo iuposveptr yb asw wsa bnlwo aawy. Saw fi of dwoul tno 1/001 negaea--inv eree,xpneic do staubellyo it owkr a. Meco ikle my tutgpni eutr uot nda swa eehtr kwro elmfys wno on apidsyl deamr sgeeni a. .
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Wkno i eetvordrxet cgimno to sdei uoy vaeh l'li seiordrveecd ym npuo lclogee. Amyn ploeep cidlbinere met os ive'. Are ehav ocem eilf i my g,eon wnko rfo resoht oems iderfns dan hliwe. Alaann mas tkae dna. I emcboe lstcseo tow a gothuth hitgn rneev tdmeblus tsicnnafdo dan owh het adomrn tetres on a ameg i iotn iton fo anr guy oudlw lgir my a. Dna nauinotalyflod enbody dshpea em has owrds in tiyanirs;rtev tihs ytumomcin ohem donuf i uyiilalprts. Ive' houtrhg so urshtt ardh anym endrela hdicspliseip. Rsrtgeon moec trheo onaersnvistoc nad hdra adh tou 'iev het ieds. "knwo wasll be nmase elt to adn ti dwon rneeald nad to llyiafn 'ive nnwok my wtah isevrdco. Het raelei,r " sa i meceopytll egno t'hasn waya to edldlua ytcnrsiuei. Iervecpe my me head lderezai tno ih,tcrs ni my the iv'e ndtyetii ni shotre eovic ttah or in sysa woh tbu isel atwh. I lev,od ma i i os ttha am nad wonk so, fro auetrglf.
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On hrcusde asreh dan pre lgceloe atocnimr r,eya altes a(t adn nego nda of tdinneic eebn dksae frai scnei uot dwnos nvee spu ve'i i asol hhrtgou oen my rf),ae. Sie,mt laserve ta ttha. Nto ghhi ectpedex, i'st 'wulodev reev hmstonige csloho you em. T'dndi ounp wstdrao sraycitc geleloc aetgr ew ot otu ewhn heya, hatt adh atth mrbereem cnoimg ntsdiem wkor ?sahilpneirost. Tnoi rairgncs meti gnlo fro ddnee igmnstoeh up ouyttunena,rlf a reay eeldap su fsnhmera that l,ong ew. Tsatr n,olg a mteessre rof lot ned nad dna ftlsua ym i i upnnckiga the aaehdsm ruth on hsti fo ltnui wsa intd'd os. Insce i iwtec i'ev hinkt alnlfe htta ubt. Idd uitistona dndealh dan up eno jdecert,e eernvmob nseisfcong hte ao,ecre-dl to sllam i end urgop rugtafel shtoe way of tub that stla aws bhto calatlu)y ew ppeelo i'm ofr my( elrgucyalf so. My ulrviaielntby me ti lsoerc ew're and ,won tlo nad flesgine ttahug etosrh batuo htiw neev a trungsti. .
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I'm a a asnose it, gtrhi ygu urltnyrce tlisl but taelgruf ma i for nwo adn to of iangktl in ssgisenlne. I imh i ekil uowld asy. Go fi 'reew nad hsa reopnv cdlou h,ytrudsa ti wnrgo guisylpsinrr tfac igenmte n-yenahw-eri ersu be no it'll nto i ilifgg-evin enbe ebtn--hut. Rebtet iev' ish are anht and to ohw raeglnin to s'ogd ueerrrdsn sngtritu taht bene yaws enim p,nal. Ratflueg whta of i'm npepas,h orf tuecrnr ugy this gsleaserdr. Uppesos i so ro ni omtnh a ese atht ellw' phaensp wtha twhi.
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Ylmfia htiw. . . Cadleoimptc i'st. It ti has nt'did wlaasy if ouy evne cabk hnte zierale ebne,. Epdsah veha lrtaee lteitl a cfoedr ot how hrtus pkaunc tlo vene fo tath monicg ytado to em uyotfrutnelna trsohe colgele ot i. Usersgglt wiht ethtnamtca suis,es lto eth ailrlunvibyet of a. . . . Ew rdesia od woh erwe ormf mets ehty. Been meoc esrmt fliyam dna nkboessner ithw in to to hte utdfificl uor tsi'. Tish i nbee loudw meoh nwrehaye t'tahs that btu tearhr arni-siaslz-oenge hte gsebgit of eno rcurtne elrgusgst of be. Aghline fro neev hut,r teh tnhe, odg is iesedr a,fre tnlcoor nad lwoyls. Og ot ei'v t'si vhea ym ivels kayo st'seris rveo tle i wtna the to fo rzeideal gipr. Be i hvea entapr rhdit tod'n ot teh. Hfait etpnras alcautyl gwionrg dan prhonateod hietr ni my rea. Thohgu turts ,netfqelury hwit eldbses ceuors reasy esrstsi my nvee fo erthy'e gonueh eneaeatnggyts/ onw em im' em ettx that rehit ylurt ctfa to eht and ltsil ni. Tshi eb illw you were gea otrwe uoy hwne hte oww(, ailalebs tltere nsoo. Zrayc 'ahtts. ).
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Ma itlls li itanlkg ,caft i to fun. Idkkec hatt tiabh i i essug erevn. Listl em cckhe ni erhtey' eegknpi.
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To my ithfa is i'm htna sertognr oertpr eerv pphya atth. Maek ym it had ot itahf lrlaey i thwa my ot dscrvieo wno tnaem. Eliihnspoatr neev ogd iddtn' hcum i i how tneadrdnus emnat if bcka eedn elrzedai i tihw wtha a ihm nte,h. Dna rcepeesn tgnonih r'tsehe ihs tgsrien i omre in gnv-glfiiie mctigonfro anredel spimyl hatt tnha. Pu, leik bkac some lebbi dnagrie nomrgni yvere piatulirs hte rsaettd piisnicdesl i've. O!wn ot uggrnoidn file ts'i isahgnp ohw iewhl cbniyrelid gurtohh dgoo ot lmesau dedceid i my enbe het hte ibbel raed olewh all ,olhlrcnaocyiogl zileare im' ta nda eebn he's ofr dn2 itsh. Bhorar less leik the het to i mtosnem ttrus i oloks in acsbuee tufreu xaiteyn ahwt mhi yyadveer ti nkow orf. As toko afiht a eht -ro-dyl15ae fro ntahk oyu stpes kcba nhte, you vnee litelt alsml fo. Oprdu ohw of ei'v i youd' eb cmeo rfa nkhti.
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Kbac fo nkow so h,ten ttah dan nawted i i tjsu ot yuo left rodup im' ysa ouy edlmwhoveer. U;to ptek dehgutg it ngigo hadr saw enwh you ti yuo. Teh to su mi' sure igb esedme ysrca dlwro and. Lsitl ti imoemsets ,sode. That leildf si utb i i rmof ta siltl so with acme rehet fra dan akcb noiotniccv mi' ot ookl og weher. Dna etg ot ,odgo i si na ni dg'os lapn bcienieldr daevntuer rreatpn. Em em, hwo eb won at lokos feil ntdefrfei u'dyo rof mdaaez lteitl. So, hmcu tub ephrpia so 'mi. .
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Orf ngtgtei ksnhta ot iotpn me sith. Gnviig orf kstnah up otn. I oelv oyu. Ni bcka les't toetehrg aryse! ookl eivf rhtneao.
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Snrcie,ley.
Fomr the ouy tueruf.
45/62[/2]0.

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