A letter from 15 year old you

Peaceful right?

Dear Future Me, first off, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! who cares about your age--go celebrate! eat a ton of cake, even if you don't feel like it (get that type with the strawberries and whipped cream that we like because it isn't too sweet)! buy yourself a nice present! treat yourself to whatever you're craving! go call your parents and sisters, and if possible, go meet up with them in person. hug a pet, and if you don't have one, hug someone else's. this is a big milestone, you know. scary, but big nonetheless. i want to be the first one to celebrate for you. i don't know what or how you'll be doing, but know you've come a long way and i am so proud of you for never giving up on life. how crazy is it to think that you're 20 now? an adult? that's crazy and quite unfathomable to me right now, to be honest. i may be a high school junior, but mentally i still feel like a freshman. it feels like i never got past 13. ever since the pandemic started, it feels like time simultaneously stopped and flew past. it's disorienting, to say the least. things are a bit chaotic right now, with classes and all that--calc and chemistry have not been treating me well, obviously. and the stuff with relationships and figuring myself out.. it's so confusing. but anyways, i want an update on your life, so tell me: how's everything going? tell me everything! i'm really unsure of what i want to do in the future right now. did you end up deciding what to major in? what college are you at, if you're in college? are you having fun? is it as scary and exciting as you'd always imagined? are you still keeping in touch with old friends? don't forget to take care of yourself always. i hope you're better at cooking than i am now, so cook or bake yourself something nice and stay hydrated. and make sure not to pull too many all-nighters in a row. are you still keeping up with your interests? i hope you didn't drop drawing or piano. despite the struggles we've had along the way, i think it's part of who we are. have you started a webtoon yet? have you finally learned a liszt piece like you always wanted? how's your guitar playing? and here's a suggestion: if you're bored, why not pick up skating again? i went skating yesterday for the first time in three years, and it was so nice to be back on the ice. i hope you have time to maybe go for a skate now and then! how are your personal relationships going? things are a bit rocky for me right now. i'm going through a lot of uncertainty and i'm still trying to figure myself out. i'm insecure when it comes to my friendships, and i hope you've managed to overcome it a bit. if you find yourself lonely, give yourself a hug and pick yourself up. reach out to new people and don't be afraid. oh, and let me know if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend! i know right now i'm kind of on the fence when it comes to romance and relationships, but i think in the end i do want a partner. just remember to be careful and not rush into anything. i hope that you haven't done anything you've regretted, and that you'll be better with not leading people on. oh, and right now... everything with grandma's dementia. it's hard. it's really hard. by the time you read this, she'll probably be gone. i don't know what to expect when the day comes--grief? shock? maybe even relief? i don't know. i hope you're doing okay. remember to give everyone you love a hug. if it's happened, know that she loved you so, so much. i hope you're doing okay on your own! we always had a fear of separation, i think, even if we never admitted it. right now i'm worried for my sisters' futures even though i really shouldn't be-- how are they doing? please stay in touch with them, give them hugs, text them when they need it and be there for them. you know how much you love them. and for our parents, don't forget to tell them how much you love them and how much you're thankful for them. i hope you're in a stable situation, and i hope for the best. i'm really curious-- are you still talking to li? if you aren't, what made you stop? was it gradual? when did you realize you didn't need them anymore? was it sad? and if you are, that's cool!! i honestly can't imagine being without them, at this point. oh, and i hope you don't let go of your faith as well. religion is a touchy subject these days, but i hope it keeps you anchored and i hope we both learn not to be ashamed of it. in a world that's ever-changing, don't forget your core values. if you've let go or your hold has slipped, that's okay. pull yourself back up. ahh... i don't know what these next five years will hold. it's a long, long time, and to be honest, i'm scared. however, i have a feeling you'll be able to figure it out. for me, thinking about it makes my head spin. it feels like my current circumstances (global pandemic, school stress, family issues, overall detachment) are already overwhelming. i can't imagine what it's like for you, and i worry about it. but i know that if you're reading this, you've come so, so far. i hope you're happy. i hope you're proud of what you've done, because i'm proud of you. and you know what? if things aren't the way you've hoped, there's always more chances to pick yourself up. remember that you're loved by more people than you even know. happy birthday! i love you so, so much. cheers to a great rest of your life. i'll see you in five years. sincerely, you [12/17/2021]

Epilogue

2 months later

Hi, past me!

Wow, we were so different back then. It's cool to look back and reflect on the things that were important to us then (even if it's a...

Bueseca hwo ti snmibrg)eaas bit isnec 'iev nowrg i hntki cmhu shwso. .
.
Dhriytba ficdltfiu was a aidtm itb ym htat i. Eryttp otmnsh eht storwda asw tgnwrii sthi turfue tbu nignkiht tow atht lpsiignar ,ertfa keew i lyerp im' bda. Dgndreia and odsnurunrig rtnodauiag i yctnuiomm uldnyesd esrattd eftl aytutnienrc muhc sr,stinlpehiao nad os i. ,ttha ihtbyadr udrersoudn ,hgcrnoomssti evol culaat am blesdse esidtpe to adn dlilef utb slveo me imlyfa eb dnresfi suhc swa my tihw good trhie and by a o-i-jy. Titpseert pu it i i ,analna asw adn gvniah dne erve nthig aveh aeoemdhm anna did ec;ak ti hte by lcultaya & a esen em,am was eysabrrrtw. Uiclsdoei a shueo i dha nidren at msimud. Eahv ohw ofr weer how me back ti utb and we fo ofr evrey 'ahtst tsdeiex telefdrce acegr ouyr noerivs i lefyms si aerd trpimecfe to on trnmptoia nda eetlrt. .
.
Fele nteh 71, oknw so humc i stnetwie! efel 'iev ndhcage ubt kile tath 'nodt od i sltil sltil eb leik im' sceni ot ni my i ,teosnh m'i. Ttah hatt ilsbensg a so meos i'ev bnee ncout ni myiwhs fo ym eilf 'lli ti ehi""klcdil able kepe ot. Gen,iegeninr dan legceol trpumeco lal did inot it fo mi' ,esy y(hw in ddi dotbu tat?,)?h i kaem rmnaigoj nithsg yuo. Ew hte up tnah of tghhuot penricexee my id' i( in lfoidrsenc lil)niosi si eth ned but atwh of olsa gaseettr tis' beaym pedtcxee eneb fnteerfid os ti ilfe nvere. And veeisocrdd iv'e rlelay tsg,ihn ads but am a yasd 'vie nwgro mhuc so hda ahdr noesrp nda as i who. Ednde etsewrbteit msefly fdoun dna dna aittrsriynve a inghfiisn rpogu pu gaazmni atth si pu aelrewhhc-i-d gintsepp psehailedr in ronjiu i an eayr onwd aslml as m'i ncuoymmti my vene omrf wno. Eoflinlg- e'vi sfnedri fdnuo. The eevn bouat pu i rof evah itsehnipnr !;) mmreus ldien eht na angrlh-itesl. . . Hhe. T'odn kwno retbte fi i yan epsel ym is dlcuseeh. Yerttp ti lwaays i tath touab swa ,ti nithk adb own. Mreo etiedinlyf rlyea aewk a tegsglur ot up st'i fo mhuc.
.
Hatt go ekew e/ekevwrey nnfyu leetrt i uaobt lduhso dtarest nehw atgns,ik ebcaseu uyo reda inaga other altk usjt it's had eeyvr ot ihts ihwt nhtagh gnitska i. Rgfinee is oyeru' hi-rt-tig. Up or my gdoo etuqi ,eayr oiaebllrdlrgn salo ti ie'v i libevee tgetno refmnhas cutaally t!no iekpdc. Eb atbuo htt)a 'youd( nda eilcrtce os eecxitd hougtb an ummerss owt gao rugati i. Argiut thta at atels triuag rtbeet, si my ton much my tyeprt but 'spnyaigl.
.
Istll gdwanir mi' of ueocrs. Eussg swa 'tis oetdsiu eeercxeipn ftsir mite rfo rtgif,tah ranuyja and eht satp hrrdea i ubt i of !mtie ym at ihst awrd ot to fstir teh rta i sodl dblaet my iazanmg vneootncin ostm dnfi it. Dosl i tiems i hwta put ent mdea cbak eenv out and in. Aywa iustorpvpe i saw how oloc dan ernevyeo swa noblw by. Xeiepnce,re wkro of it do if aniee-g-nva was tno wdulo ebsalotuyl a 110/0. Nda heert egeisn owkr a ocme was my otu damre retu yfmels nugtpit liek on laspdiy onw. .
.
I edreicrdseov exdettorrve wkon il'l yuo evha eloelgc conmgi ounp to my sied. Oepelp os tem 'ive amyn bdreinilce. Eifl ecmo know aer my rof vhea adn wlehi omes i hoetsr g,eno esfrnid. Tkea dna ams lnaaan. Stsoelc ardnom nra hgtutho eamg owt a owh sudmtebl no ym erttes a nad hte i onit ignht a of ugy i beoemc odtnaicfsn reevn udolw otni ilgr. I ti;rsevrniyat mcuioymnt dybeno shepda in unodf wdsor iarlylptius em dna oemh auftlnolondaiy ash isth. Adrh aernlde ohrtugh so mnay vi'e icdsilpishpe htsrtu. Rhda gertonsr eht omce arsncoiovtens adn sdei eohrt out dha e'vi. Atwh to adn aneeldr nda my nemas vrdsocie ev'i to wond ti fyllina be k"own nwokn etl wslla. " as i neog iycneruits ot olypelcmte ere,arli eth ahnts' ayaw duaelld. Ont my razeleid lesi eerievcp ni woh ni ityendti hatt but het ni ehda rtohse hsrit,c my awth yssa 'iev em viceo ro. Am ,edolv owkn ,so tath leutafgr i am i dan i os fro.
.
A(t eaf),r nda lsao nad srehcud nbee ctamniro my i ea,ry iecsn neo nosdw no noge setla spu dan tuo erp evne fo riaf hsaer kseda nindceti ceolgel urhhgto iev'. At veaelsr mtei,s atht. Rvee em vlwudo'e ighh lhoosc is't xteepc,ed you nto igsntmeho. Ounp wrko htta to ttah dah tuo egtra wehn tyiarscc tawsrod egcelol id'dtn mingco ew ,ahye ietnsdm slirt?oeaispnh rebmeerm. A nan,etuturfloy atth item epaedl rmsfneha up srgrinac raey needd we noti lngo gol,n orf us osigemthn. 'ndidt aws os sflaut rof ,olng dan rtuh nad tish den tol piknnagcu i my attsr luint i ahmdsea estermse the a on fo. I hatt twiec tbu fnalle encis ve'i nikth. (my almsl neo asw os adn htbo slta fo btu we hte up orf rmenbveo tnaiusoit dne sehto la)tuyalc lepoep ot ayw auelgtrf idd ttha cfgyrlalue eeet,jcdr andhdel i m'i ocele,ard- pruog ssifnogenc. Lescro hiwt tol my botua bvutllniaeiyr eenv srheot and a iuntgrst dna authgt own, it eisfgnel em ee'rw. .
.
Neyrrlctu in for wno tub a fo selsnenigs ,ti isltl and right 'im ma lgertauf ugy asseon a i ngtilka ot. Elki asy dlwou i hmi i. Onrwg og if rsue ti caft vornpe dan rhya-nniwee- rutdsah,y i tno -u-hbentt weer' oucld vlgfgii-eni has 'iltl ngrlsyirusip getmine eb bnee no. Ttah ot dsg'o rae eiv' tnha mnie tnusrgti al,np owh renlagni tteerb enbe ot sway shi rdsnrereu dna. Rnruect fro seahp,np ihts seersaldrg tgfeurla of m'i hawt yug. So htmon twhi see a i ttah wl'el nspeaph or sseoppu waht ni.
.
Hwti mliyfa. . . Camloceptid s'ti. Ckba htne erlieaz eevn it swaayl if ti yuo 'dtndi eneb, ash. Woh loelcge hpesad doyta rteale vene atht odfrec roesht i thurs me tellti etnnraufuylot ot of a to ot tlo unkpca hvae comign. Atilynebuvril tugrsgels htwi mchatteant eht tlo uiss,se a fo. . . . Rwee we how stem mrfo darsie do yhet. To thiw 'its retsm mafily oru adn eth cemo eebn to esonernkbs ftucdiilf ni. Egistbg ne-gsel-aaisznori staht' the owudl rterah hoem srlgusetg tub fo i neo eb ahtt hanywree nebe rnrtcue fo tish. Dna reesid alhneig loorntc re,fa dog hru,t ofr evne si syllow teh e,htn. Twan roev esitsr's the 'tsi og elt v'ei ym fo to ot okya ireezdal i irgp ilsve aevh. Eht naeprt ahev odnt' i eb to tdirh. Rae in dan my haift gwngrio ehrti donpeothra ntarpse atyulalc. Edsselb rutts m'i hwti tguhoh csorue xtte ym me to t'heyer rihet em tsseisr teh ni ghunoe sltil tnqylure,ef trluy own of yaser tcfa tath neay/estnatgeg enev nda. Teh aeg eerw lwli eowrt uoy rttele aslilbea you isht wow,( hwne eb noos. Rcyza 'hstat. ).
.
Litls ot ufn itnlgka ,tacf ma li i. I ieckkd evnre hbita i esgsu htta. Eetyhr' neiepgk ni em itlls khcce.
.
Is grsetrno ym hpapy ttah reve 'im ifath rtoper ot hant. Reylla i ym ti nwo kaem to ntaem ahtif my dha svcerdoi ot thwa. Ti'ndd nvee who aethopsniilr ahtw hmi i odg autddnrens nemat a hucm iwth akbc i ,neht edne delizera i if. Than ohtignn hrste'e deraenl shi gsrtien srenepec emro ysilmp ontrcifgom i in that ivgi-felign nad. Iekl esom vryee tisulprai belbi nrgnmio saetdrt ,pu the dsceipnisil 'vei dragein kacb. Ot dyilebircn maleus hisnagp ohw she' dera eht olhew lbibe d2n doog 'mi efil ta dediedc teh gginuordn all ot eilhw nda iazlere orf neeb my noychr,lcooalgil eenb s'it i hugorth no!w isth. Nestomm i yvaerdey olosk eufrtu eth in to yixetan kile i wonk him ofr ti rtust hatw escebau eht ssel robhra. A lietlt malsl ahfit okto e-ard1lo-5y back the ,nthe ouy nkhta you ptsse as for even of. Of rdpou inhkt far ei'v eomc be ohw i yuod'.
.
Edermvehlow you i to wtaden wokn tfel of stju i'm kcab het,n uoy ays and os durop i ahtt. Nweh gonig ekpt swa it otu; drah uoy edtgghu ti oyu. Eeedms wrldo ysrac reus dna su eth gib 'im to. Ltsli es,od mitmseseo ti. Cbak iwth is hrwee to etrhe far loko itlsl acme icoovinnct dan og rfom 'im illefd but so i htta i ta. Dna ,godo erntarp enadtevru na is teg apln nrcielbdie in to d'osg i. Tieedrnff how skloo wno eb oydu' e,m em at for ezamda lttlie ifle. So, rihepap im' but so uchm. .
.
Me nietggt to tskhan rof oipnt shit. Orf nhatks igvngi pu tno. Uoy vloe i. Rtaoneh kcab in loko fvie ehrgtoet aeyr!s 'slte.
.
Srenieyl,c.
Rfmo ouy ueuftr teh.
56/[]204/2.

This user has written an update to this letter.To see what they wrote, please

Press ← and → on your keyboard to move between letters

Write new comment

Load more comments