A letter from Nov 29th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, Hello, 21 year old me. It’s the day after your birthday. How are you currently? Did life work out for you? Or are things a mess right now? Life is really ****** right now in 2021. School makes me really want to die. I want covid to **** off. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll even be alive by the time these letters come through, if I’m even happy or if I’m really the failure I thought I’d become. Are you satisfied with your life? Are you happy? Are you dating someone? Are they kind? We’ve always been into nice guys. Kind guys, yes… that would be nice. We are the lonely type after all, afraid to be alone during adulthood and scared of rejection… to which I hope things have changed. Did high school go okay? I’m a junior right now and all I want to do is cry and sleep. PSEO stresses me beyond belief, I want to die. Exams are coming soon. Thanksgiving went downhill because our parents caught covid. I have ACT testing in the spring. I’ve always heard people talking about how junior year is the worst year of high school, and now I think I finally get it. I’ve never felt more hopeless. I’m just mentally anxious and depressed. I’ve been hoping to get therapy but I’m not sure I can get it. I just want to vent, but I have no one to vent to. I feel incredibly sad, and whenever I talk about it I start to cry because of how pathetic I sound. Do you remember Taylor’s “All Too Well” 10 min version album/a remake of Red? Yes well in this song she talks about turning 21… which is why I decided to send this letter now. Was your 21st birthday fun? Was it amazing? Or were you just alone again? If so what am I even living for? I’m just sad and anxious about life, I don’t even have anyone by my side and I feel like a piece of ****, a failure- someone who isn’t worthy of living. I’m sorry, I’m just really down in my feelings right now. Incredibly anxious, yes… I hope you no longer live in MN. You probably do but that’s okay I guess… I just don’t want to be born and face ***** in the same place my whole life. I want to get around and see more of the world, which will maybe finally distract me from my own suffering and anxiety. Maybe go out and party a bit. Drink, have fun and make new friends. I’ve always been more sad than happy my whole life, so I hope that now you are an adult, you’re happy. Please, I really hope so, since this IS myself I’m talking to. - I hope you have a happy life. Sincerely, from the 16 year old you.