A letter from Nov 23rd, 2021

Dear FutureMe, this is a journal entry I made, hope you're doing good and that you've answered some of the questions I've asked :). KMF For context, I started my first year of university and moved out of my house for the first time in my life 2 and a half months ago - 23.11.21, I've felt a lot of shame and guilt recently and I've really wanted to give up. these feelings basically came because i got my **** sucked by a fat ugly girl and people think im an idiot and I hurt jenna and people think im a piece of ****. I felt like just giving up and I missed a lot of going out because of jenna and being sad. - family, I watched a Ted talk video a couple of hear ago called how to live a good life or seomthing like that, basically it says to be happy, you need good quality relationships. And I understood that when I first watched it, but I understand it on a whole different level now that I've experienced it, I've felt really lonely, which has probobaly been made worse by stress of school and girls and life. And I just felt so happy when I go home to see my family. I'm extremely grateful for them. My siblings are my best friends and I hope/know it will stay like that for my whole life - suffering, im suffering a decent bit just now, I've suffered a lot, even though it seems that my problems increase and decrease in size and severity, I always suffer... Will I suffer till the day I die no matter how easy my life is? or will I figure something out and stop suffering? - working and burn out, if I work a lot when I'm motivated, do I unknowingly go into my energy reserves making me feel tires the next day or the next couple of days? is it better to just work consistentally throughout the week? or work a lot one day, then barely the next day, and so on? - experience vs theory, I learned years ago aswell from a YouTube video that experience is the best teacher, but when you experience this, ironically, or perhaps not ironically at all, you really learn it.