A letter from Nov 15th, 2021

Dear allysa, heyy,, It's november and everything's going great atm. I hope that you're better. There's no pressure but I do hope you tried. You're in college now (??im not sure, this was supposed to be a year from now till I decided last minute that I want to read this again five years from now) and I know it's hard to take in. I still can't believe that I'm in ninth grade after spending 2 years at home because of the pandemic. Speaking of, is the pandemic still on going? Also, have you made new friends? I hope you, Kikay, and Rafael are still friends, you guys did spend two years being buddies (You guys also planned to spend college in an apartment together) (I think rafael wants to take marine engineering and kikay is still undecided... I'm torn between (civil) engineering, accountancy, and computer science) Mommy made this little room for us upstairs sa house ni Mommy Zayds. Mommy said we'll buy a car so I'm assuming you, in the future, have your own house, room, and car na. Anyway, I really love the room, I can cry in private and I can do me. Kuya biboy and kuya floyd are here too but they're in a different part of the room. if you're wondering how I'm doing, I'm on my way to being great. mommy is being more expressive and affectionate, Daddy is home more often and i get to express my emotions in my little room without the fear of judgement and getting caught (maybe a little cause we have no door but still) Last night, I cried bc I tried to act like my own therapist LMAOO,, I also cried about how big space is and how little we are. How there might be a living creature in space far from us is wondering if there's also a living creature looking up in the sky. How we are in someone's sky and they are just unaware that we exist just like how we are unaware that they exist. I'm trying to deal with my past so that, maybe, I can get rid of the toxic behaviors I got from it. I hope you're successful of that. With everything a *low-key* mess I'm not hoping much. I just want you to be the happiest you've been. I want you to be the girl boss you've always wanted to be. I know the thing that you're very scared of is forgetting. Along side being forgotten and growing up. I know you're scared of change. I mean, it is frightening. Just when you've gotten comfortable with something, with someone, change always ***** things up. Do you remember your past friends? Yumi from first and second gade, Chammy from third grade, Angelica, Jamilla, Ivy, and Jannah from fourth and fifth grade, Gimella, G-lo, and Kikay from 6th, Yennah, Chloe, and Anghelica from seventh, and lastly Rafael and kikay again for 8th and 9th. You've beaten yourself up for leaving them as soon as something happened. Maybe you switched sections or changed schools, you always lose them despite having promised them that you will always be best friends. I know you're sad, and honestly? same. Maybe I'm just used to talking to mself that's why I wrote this letter in a weird way. It seems like I'm defining you when I can't. Maybe those are my fears, maybe you've come in terms with it. But you know. It is scary. That longing you feel after all those moments spent together and now you just feel like strangers. That nostalgic feeling of something that happened not too long ago. You probably hate me. i threw away all your notebooks. I hate myself aswell. The ones with the most memories, the ones with little notes and drawings from elementary to 8th grade. I'm currently interested in programming and learning French if you'd like to know. Maybe it's a phase you laugh at or maybe it's a beginning you smile when you think of. I hope you're still going for you're dreams. I hope you're doing better. Write to me, if you can, I want to know how you're doing. Always remember I love you and stay alive. You have goals, commit to them. You don't want to break another promise just because things got hard. Things are meant to get more difficult as time goes by, do your best. It's okay to cry, I assure you. Say I love you to mommy and daddy. Make sure you express how grateful you are of them. You're getting old, and so are they. You may be in denial of growing up, heck maybe I am, but if you are, then it's alright. Everything will be fine and no, you're not running out of time. There's still a whole lot of life to live. Try and be the best older sister you can be. I was crappy. Express your love for them daily even if they try and push you. Please make up for the years I treated them like ****.