A letter from Nov 14th, 2021

Dear Future Me, Do you know about the 5-year plan? Oh, if I know, you should know too. Well, I'm sending this to 5 years in the future. However, as always I don't have a plan. I'm following the wind to neverland. A place where all dreams come true, apparently. Am I happier? Am I less lonely? Am I smarter? Am I rich enough to even have an iPhone 13? Do I finally have a dream? Did I finally find a profession that I love? There are 164 questions running through my head. I can never ask them all till the end. I'm lost. I found out I definitely put others before me. I thought I'm selfish, rude and alone. Thought I never cared for others. However, I realized I always throw away what I want the most. Give whatever I have to make sure others get what they want the most. I give excuses to not want what I want. "No, it is too expensive.". "No, you can buy it in the future.". "No, he is not someone I can love.". "No, you cannot fall in love.". "No, I am not someone who is of worth.". "No, don't be such an embarrassment.". No, I am not going to cry. So what? SO WHAT if I cry? It seems I forget the worries the moment I stop crying. But are they really gone? No. I do not care about the other 163 questions. Can you at least answer this one? Do I finally feel alive? I'll see you later, Me