A letter from Nov 11th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, I was by a lake, Santeuil le Perchay area, picnic with some friends, high on acid, and I'm thinking about you. It's a few days after I called you to say that it's time for me to let go and that I must block you because I should start prioritizing myself over a fantasy you led me to believe. I still keep your pictures, the letters, the notes I write about you. Because even after all of this, you still live in my dreams; both asleep and awake. Emotions have always felt so strong for me during the present. And each time it feels like it'll last forever. But looking back, that was never the case. Yet again, it feels different with you. That sunny day away from Paris, I thought to myself: We're in such different levels of life. You are 4 years ahead of me. I imagine you to have experienced everything I did. What if 4 years ago you were in my position. I imagine you to have done what I did and I wonder if you've had this feeling years ago. In 4 short years, when my life is aligned as yours now, maybe I will look back to think of our relationship as you did with your past relationships while you were my age, and perhaps in that few years, I will meet another person in my shoes to share unforgettable experiences with and treat them the same way you did (or not). But what if. What if you're someone I thought I'm in love with but actually don't like? Maybe you're just someone I needed at this point of my life to unlocking these feelings I thought I lacked in my life. And why it's so hard for me to let go of you is because subconsciously, I equate letting you go with letting go of this same feeling that you helped me feel. I have to start understanding that I am able to feel because of myself and not other people. Your purpose was to help me unlock this feeling and now that I know what it feels like, you have served your purpose and I can let you go. I'm sending this 4 years from now. I will be your age by then. I wish you well EC and thank you GG for helping me grow.