A letter from Nov 9th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, I have a few things to write down so that you can remember them later on, because 2021 you know that you'll probably forget. As I write this, I am in 10th grade, in Spanish class, waiting for lunch. I wanna write down current memories and then ask questions for you to answer in five years in your journal. So, I am currently in love with the idea of content creation and becoming a gamer. Some of my favorite content creators and a few people that I watch: Ranboo, Tubbo, Aimsey, Billzo, Catibugzz, ldshadowlady, BoomerNA, Tapl, and so many more. I want to open my own bakery and become a streamer. I want to be a popular streamer, whether it takes me years to get to that goal, whether I get unmotivated and burnt out, I will get to that goal. I want to graduate highschool and make my parents proud, even if I am currently failing. My music taste is very messy and all over the place but everytime I listen to music, I become a happier person...I want you to know that you have some amazing online friends. The best, most kind people; Soap, Nebula, Xylo, Honk, Drew, Bumble. I love them so much and they keep me company during school because I don’t have friends yet. School started almost three months ago and I had a friend but she moved back to her old school in the fourth week. I bought ranboo merch (the first piece of merch that I have ever gotten) with the money from my quinceanera. I really enjoyed my quince. It was an enchanted forest theme with butterflies. We didn’t do it in a big event hall like I dreamed of but we did it in Barbie’s backyard. It turned out just as beautiful. You had a limousine just like you wanted. Angel, Jacky, Brian, Anahi, Briana, Alexa, and Nathan were all there. We listened to music and danced, we stopped for pizza and we opened sparkling apple cider. It was an amazing experience. I cried and laughed. I’m pretty sure Angel cried a lot as well. Dad gave me a ring and a necklace. The ranboo merch is coming in early december. Hopefully when I wear it in school, I can finally make friends. I am still single. Always have been. I’ve gained a bit more confidence but my social anxiety isn’t really changing. I’m really struggling with school but I’m starting to actually put effort in this. Bunny is our pet and she is so funny. I love her so much. She is my world. She’s a little dumb but she can make my day 100% better. Oh I can’t forget to add that Barbie’s family and my family are going to Yosemite this Thanksgiving. Oh I can’t wait. I’m in the middle of writing my story. It is November, which is nanowrimo, hopefully I finish this book. I am happy. I am satisfied. I still have lots of thoughts that pop into my mind occasionally but I block them as quickly as possible. I am happy. I feel like a failure and I feel like I’m disappointing everyone and it affects me, but I don’t like putting much thought into it. I think I just need someone to tell me that I matter and that they’re proud of me, but I think I heard that on my quince. I haven’t heard it since. Anyways, I’ll be moving on to the questions because I can’t think of anything else. -Did you finish your book? -Did you graduate with honors? If not, did you graduate? Are you happy with this accomplishment? -Were your parents proud? Are they still proud? -Are you going to college? If so, is it so you can open your own bakery? -Have you streamed? Are you going to be a streamer? If you are a streamer, are you popular yet? -Are you still friends with them? -Are you single? Have you dated anyone? First kiss? -Are you proud of yourself? Did you do what you wanted to do? -Do you still want kids? -Have you moved out? Apartment? Alone? -Is life hard right now? Are you stressed? How are you doing mentally? -Pets? How many? What kind? -Is bunny still alive? If not, was it sad? -Do you still want to be a streamer? What about opening a bakery? Are those still your goals? I know everything is probably hard, maybe stressful and sucky. Maybe you haven’t heard someone say I love you or you did your best or I’m proud of you. So I’m going to dedicate this last part to that. I’m proud of you Johanna. Whatever you have done, I hope it made you happy and I hope you don’t regret it. You are worth it and you matter so **** much. If whatever you are doing is causing you stress, drop it. Stop doing it. Your mental health matters and you matter. You are doing your best and you are making the past you proud. I love you, despite not accomplishing most of the goals I wanted. But the past you doesn’t care. The past you loves you. The past you wishes that you are happy and that you are free. I can’t wait for you to read this. I hope you do. I hope you are happy. Remember, people love you. I love you. You matter <3 Past you, Johanna (P.S: remember the minecraft end poem. Go read it.)