A letter from Nov 8th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, I am in a really really horrible place right now. I just came home from the doctors and she said I needed to lose 10 kilos and gave me medicine to make my period come. My mother lectured us in the car and when I came home I had a shower and cried. I cried because I don’t understand why Im alive. I dont want to be alive. I didnt ask to be born. I hate myself Futureme. But I made a vow, a pledge to YOU. I said I will keep fighting, through all the pain and the suffering and the scoldings and the body shaming and the self hatred and the loneliness and the feeling of imprisonment. I will keep fighting because I want YOU to be proud of me. I want YOU to be happy. And I will do ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING to make sure that you NEVER feel the way I am feeling right now. I love you OK. And I know you’re counting on me so just say a prayer for me baby. Because I need it so so much. Say a little prayer for Les as well (the mango plant in your room) Hes so sweet, hes burnt and breaking but hes not giving up. Hes my inspiration ♥️ Ok Im going to go and wipe my tears and clean my table and finish my UX task for the day. Bye