A letter from Oct 30th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, When you see this letter, if I counted right you will be turning 20 tomorrow. Wow, that is something. Hopefully you got everything figured it out. This letter is to remind you who you were, and what you want out of your life. Don't be blinded by all those fortune and fame, always remember to help those people around you. Redefine success. Value any relationship that you still have. Hope the young me can provide you guidance and vision. And don't forget you are running out of time. Just hope that you are wiser than me. ​ Well, How's life? Did we graduate high school, better question would be which one did we graduate? Did we find friends who match your crazy energy, who understand you and support you? Are we single or taken? Did you follow your dream of becoming model or working in fashion industry? It's been so hard for me to get to this point, given this messed up head of mine, even more messed up from all the stress about too high expectations from people to be perfect with all perfect grades, dealing with eating disorder and trying to fit in the world, trying not be depressed even thought you are lonely all the time dealing with your own problems on your own. I hope wherever you're at now, you're well. You've been so strong with no one there to save you, no one to fall back onto when you take a leap and collapse hard. You've been so self-reliant and so fiercely independent I'd like to applaud you for being so amazing even when no one could help you bc you masked all your problems with fake smile. I know what it's like to feel small and sad and lonely and stressed and cornered and thrown away. But you pick yourself up from the ground, at least try to. Try to be happy with yourself. You have been miserable for a very long time. You do not need someone else to be happy. You need to have more courage and know that you are enough. You do not need another person to validate you are determine your value. You have lived too long trying to BE what someone else wants or needs. You need to just do for you. I hope you tell yourself how beautiful you are every day. I hope you started loving and appreciating yourself more then anybody else, fought a fear of eating, got confident in yourself and comfortable in your own skin and body. I hope you stopped having little arguments with mom and dad ,bc at the end of the day you still love them more than anything. I hope you have much better relationship with your sister, I hope you two bound together and that you can openly speak to her, that you can tell her whatever you want, if you have a problem you can ask her for the advice. But at the same time that she can return and express her feelings to you back. Now, there's a few more things. I wish you to be happy and cheerful for the rest of your life. I wish you to make every single dream you ever had come true, whatever it is ,just do it. Even if you are scared to ***** do it, the fear is holding you back from living your ideal, perfect, dream life. Like your mother would say "Live every day like its your last one". Stop worrying, thinking if someone is judging you. Stop questioning and doubting yourself about your decisions bc someone doesn't like it, be different on your own for your own good. Whatever you are doing in your life right now just remember that every single choice you made, made this 14 year old broken girl proud. Happy early Birthday, forever your younger self.