A letter from Oct 27th, 2021

// Sorry for my bad grammar, future self :) Hi, future me. It's not my first time here because I've been using this platform for like a month and years from now, I might be getting letters I wrote, only if I'm still alive. I have this suicidal thought. I want to end my life but I'm afraid because my sister who happened to travel miles apart might get worried and becomes unfocused to her dream job that she's luckily, currently working with. I hate that father doesn't listen to us which I don't get. He suffered enough from alcohol withdrawal syndrome. Not to mention, he was a heavy drinker. I mean, he is, because he secretly drinks even if he already made a promise just right after he recovered from that syndrome. It just hurts for the fact that your own father made a promise just to make us feel relieved, but didn't mean any of it. I still remember when we were at the hospital, crying for help because as I mentioned, father was suffering from alcohol withdrawal syndrome. He had this random, creepy, horrific hallucinations while he was trying to get up from his bed where he was on. All we could do was to hold his hand, grip his arms and legs, and say that "We're here." That moment, he was this close '||' from forgetting us. He barely remembered only details. That made us sad and left me trauma for bad. Now that he starts to cheat and doing again his bad habits which makes him totally become violent to us. What all we want for him is to be better. I'm trying hard to save his fragile mental health but even a drop of concern from him, I don't get any. I want to end myself. I know that there are other people who suffer more than I do but this is slowly ******* me, and to tell you, I'm not afraid to die. I'm ready. I just can't do it because I don't want people who are close to me get worried and to my father, I don't want people look at him as if he has all the fault of my *****. I don't know what to do. Almost every night, I cry. I feel sad for my sister who's trying to understand father but father doesn't listen. He always misinterprets the words that are good for him. That makes us think that maybe he's still suffering alcohol withdrawal syndrome. I feel sad for my other sister who has no idea the happenings here at home because, she's not here, as I said. Hays. I hope future me is still alive. I want you to fight. You have to travel to Paris and roam around the world as you always wish to. I want you to be strong, I need you to be strong. I may not know if I'm getting this letter on October 27, 2026 but I do really hope that you're still alive and having a good life. I love you, Pa.